So, You Want to Try Anal Sex… a Beginner’s Guide

So, the two of you have decided that you would like to try anal sex. As with trying anything new sexually – or just spicing up what you usually do – communication is the key, so talk about it, understand how you both feel about it. And I would suggest having that conversation when you aren’t about to rip one another’s clothes off, but when you can both focus on the discussion

Personally, I really enjoy anal sex as part of a rich sex life – so my ten top tips are below

I want to be honest with you – yes it can hurt a bit. But if you follow the advice below, the pain should be minimal, and the pleasure can be immense. Personally, I always feel a little pain when my partner enters me anally, but once he is fully in, I love the sensation and it all becomes pleasurable

1. Does it hurt?

I did a little survey among my Twitter followers, close to one hundred women who have tried anal sex responded with their opinion on whether it hurts when he first enters you:
• 26% said they don’t find it painful at all
• 52% (myself included) said they do find it quite painful, but it is worth it
• 10% said they find it painful and struggle to take it
• 12% said they find it too painful, so no thanks

2. You need trust

I find even more trust is required for such an intimate act. And it does feel very intimate which can increase the closeness between you. But I also need to trust that he will stop or pause whenever I need him to and that his key focus is on making this pleasurable for us both. Not just that he has seen a video of anal sex and wants to feel like a porn star

Also, trust includes remembering all the same STI precautions as you would normally

3. Ignore the porn

I think porn can be misleading at the best of times, but I think this is particularly so when it comes to anal sex

Without any foreplay, he gives one big thrust and his cock is fully in her welcoming bottom. Frankly, that would be more likely to have me screaming and running away. Which brings me to my second point…

4. Take it slow

This is really important – and sadly, I think some people are put off because they don’t take it slowly or spend long enough “warming up”

Slow for me means, he pushes the head of the cock against my rear opening and then pauses, gives me a moment to feel him there. I like it when he then pushes just the tip of his cock inside me and again pauses, allowing me to adjust to the sensation. Then again, a little more and pause, let me get used to the stretch – and so forth

Sometimes he can tell from my breathing that he has paused long enough, or if I push back a little, encouraging him to give me a little more. But we will also use that wonderful power of speech! He will ask me if I am okay, I will tell him when I am ready for more

5. Use some lube

Your bottom does not produce natural lubrication in the same way your pussy does, so you need to add some lube (I would suggest a good water-based one). A generous coating of lube on his cock and on your hole will help you both to enjoy the experience much more

With time, you may choose to use less lube. My partner loves the sensation when we don’t use any lube, he enjoys the tightness and the tug on his foreskin – and with experience you may choose to try these things. But to start off with lube, lube, lube and more lube

6. Enjoy some anal foreplay

As with any sex, there is a lot of fun to be had with the foreplay. Firstly, get the mood right, so you both feel aroused. It is also important that she feels relaxed – partly knowing that you will both stop if she isn’t enjoying it, but also entering her will be easier if her muscles relax

A sensual massage with particular attention on her buttocks is a good way to start

A well lubed finger or two can be wonderful stimulation but also help get her warmed up for what is to come

7. Anal toys

Toys are another good idea for foreplay. A small butt plug is a great beginner toy. All the same rules apply – take it slow, use lube – but it can be a great warm up for taking something bigger

Start with some foreplay and then I would recommend lying down on your front on the bed with a pillow under your hips, or on all fours if you prefer. Let him apply a generous amount of lube to you and the toy, and then very slowly and gradually push it inside you

Once it is inside, you may want to roll over onto your back and then the choice is up to the two of you. He might want to use his mouth to pleasure your clit or slide his cock inside your pussy. Either way, the plug inside you should add a wonderful extra dynamic

8. Clit play

On some occasions, I seem to be able to take him anally relatively easily, other times I struggle a bit more. Some clit play really helps when I am struggling. For me, the pleasure on my clit helps me balance any pain

Depending on the position, this could be his fingers playing with my clit or sometimes me using a clit vibe on myself as he enters me. I have been known to “accidentally” forget to remove the clit vibe and just continue enjoying the two wonderful sensations!

9. Is it messy?

I know this is a common concern and generally the answer is no. However, as a lover once said to me on an evening when the sheets were not pristine afterwards “If you play with fire, occasionally you will get burnt” – we both giggled and it stopped me feeling any embarrassment

I think that is the right atmosphere to create. But if you are worried about a little mess, put a towel down that you can clear away afterwards if need be

Alternatively, you can buy an anal douche from most sex toy suppliers and use this beforehand if you want to ensure you are pristine

10. Switching between holes

It is not recommended to switch back from anal sex to vaginal sex – even if everything looks perfectly clean. I heard a wonderful description of the vagina as a “delicate ecosystem” and you don’t want to introduce any unwelcome bacteria into that ecosystem. It can commonly cause urinary tract infections or more complex bacterial infections – all of which are not enjoyable

So, if you want to switch back, ensure he has a quick clean up and if you are using condoms, he pops on a clean one

I hope these tips help you in trying anal sex – following them should help to make it a fun and satisfying experience for you both

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How to Rescue Your Dating Life in Your Late 20s

Looking for a restart or a jump start in your dating life in your later twenties due to a long term relationship break up or purely ignoring this aspect of your life for career pursuits? It’s a common problem. Hence, the question is, how can you be more attractive to women in your late 20s?

If you’re in your teens or early twenties, many commonly made mistakes in your dating life is forgivable. However, you’ll need to have certain things straightened out in your late 20s.

There are no excuses.

Fundamental Grooming

Imagine going on a date with a woman in your late twenties and looking like a slob. You’re not even getting past the first date. Or you might not even land one in the first place.

I assume you have some form of income or savings by your 20s. If you haven’t learned to groom yourself, you’ll need to invest in that aspect of your life. There’s no excuse.

Impressions make a huge difference not just with the art of attracting women, but in one’s professional career.

Secondly, if you are still walking and standing with a slouch. You need an emergency fix. Old habits die hard. Like grooming, you’re forgivable if are slouching your early twenties. However, if you do not have a spine by the time you reach your late twenties. There’s not much to be forgiven.

Be of Status

So how can you be of status? It’s common to hear the word status thrown around in the dating advice industry.

There are two kinds of status. The first one consists of external displays of wealth and power. The second one is behavioral.

If you were an average human being without family wealth that went to University and graduated on your 20s. It’s highly unlikely you are going to accumulate fuck you money by your late twenties.

Secondly, it’s easy to get side tracked and lose purpose in your late twenties. The responsibilities of being a functional adult piles up. You may have a career or long hours at the office.

You’re no longer idealistic about setting up a rock band and staying up all night dreaming about making it big in the music industry. You may have resigned your life to be one that’s working for a job you secretly hate.

However, as David Deida mentioned, having a purpose is attractive to the opposite sex. You can allocate your time to your side hustles or creative project. That way, you’ll stand out from a crowded sea of other faces. Its time to invest that extra money you accumulated in rediscovering something in yourself.

Learn To How to Attract Women (for real)

Yes, you can learn how to attract women. You CAN alter your behavior. I took the scientific approach to this area of my life, and you can too.

Much of my focus is on Asian men. It’s not uncommon for Asian men (especially Singaporean men) to have spent their teens and early to mid-twenties have focused on academia and their careers at the cost of their emotional development.

They haven’t built up anything on the social skills side and completely lack social intelligence.

The idea of going up to an attractive stranger scares them, much less approach a woman in broad daylight.

It’s no surprise that some men in some cultures barely understand basic dynamics of flirting such as touching a woman without creeping her out, making a woman laugh, or even simple skills such as how to make her laugh.

They only treat dating as a skillset seriously after a failed long term relationship or marriage. They either broke off with their long term partner they met in their teens/early twenties or found out the relationship wasn’t to be after marrying each other.

Unfortunately, dating and relationships do require conscious work. Yes, they didn’t tell you in school, they do.


You may have ignored the greater part of your dating life in your 20s in the name of academic achievements and career progress. However, there’s no need to fret. There’s still hope. Males generally do not face the issue of a biological clock. Now that you’re an older man with an income, dating may be easier for you (despite your complete lack of social equity of understanding if she wants you to make a move).

Finally, if you’re going to sit on laurels and waste your 20s away. Then there’s no one to blame if you find yourself still in a ditch in your 30s.

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Posted by Marcus

Marcus Neo publishes practical dating advice based on psychological research at MarcusNeo.Com


How to Spice Sex up After Marriage

Getting married is always a huge step and can bring so much change. Some couples live together for the first time, figure out how they want to handle their finances, or even decide if they wish to have kids. But one part of relationships that some couples are not prepared for is how sex can change after the wedding.

How profound is that change in a couple’s sex drive after marriage? Superdrug Online Doctor asked more than 1,000 Americans and Europeans in a new study to learn about sex inside a marriage. They discovered the most successful ways couples communicate and reach sexual satisfaction – even later into their marriage. The findings were also reviewed by a licensed sex therapist to see what might drive some of these behaviors. Here are some of the results.

Married Sex Life

So how often were the married couples doing the deed according to the survey? Approximately 65.5% of respondents reported having sex at least once a week. Nearly 1 in 4 (23.6%) people admitted to engaging in sex at least once a month, while a modest 10.9% revealed they did it less than once a month.

The length of time the couples were in their marriage made a difference as well. Three in four people married for five years or less reported knocking boots at least once a week, but that number dropped significantly after 16 or more years. Only 56% of people in that relationship stage admitted having sex once a week. Moreover, as relationships went on, couples were more likely to transition from once a week to once a month.

On average, the longest couples went without having sex was six weeks. One in five respondents said they went without sex for three months or longer. Since getting married, more than half (52.3%) of survey participants reported less frequent romps. Only 20.9% said they had more sex.

Sexual Excitement After the Vows

Did the urge to get between the sheets with their partner change after the rings were on their fingers? About half (51.9%) of people said their needs were about the same as before the wedding. More than 1 in 4 said that sex got more boring. Only 17.4% of respondents revealed that their sex life got more exciting after the saying, “I do.”

The study revealed some of the top ways couples increased sexual excitement. First on the list was experimenting more (67%), followed by using different positions (63.1%) and being spontaneous (42.6%). One in three people said they incorporated sex toys in the bedroom. Others watched porn together (14.8%) or visited a sex therapist (8.5%).

But what were some reasons people slowed their sex frequency? More than half (57.8%) said they had a lower sex drive. Approximately 42% said they didn’t have the time. Almost the same percentage (41.4%) claimed to have more stress. Nearly 2 in 5 say their children are why they haven’t been rolling around in the sack. And 17.7% had developed lower self-esteem since becoming married.

According to the study, about 65% of respondents experience significantly decreased sex frequency at some point in their marriage. Men were more likely to cite a lower sex drive as a reason for not wanting to have sex. On average, it took four years of marriage for couples to have a decrease in sex frequency. Couples fixed this potential issue by talking to their partner (50.6%), doing nothing (36.3%), or researching ways to improve their sex lives (20.6%).

Keeping the Spark Alive

Respondents who discussed sexual satisfaction with their spouse at least once a week were most likely to be sexually satisfied. Some ways couples tried to keep their sex life interesting was by flirting with their spouse (33.9%), going on romantic getaways (28.1%), and using sex toys or accessories (26%).

The biggest takeaway from the study came in the form of advice from these couples on how to keep sex interesting throughout a marriage. What was the best advice respondents gave? Almost 2 in 5 respondents said being honest about feelings toward their sex life was most important. About 15% of people emphasized explaining your sexual needs. The third tip was to frequently talk about sexual satisfaction (10.9%). These popular pieces of advice shared a commonality: communication.

Every relationship is different and requires specific needs, but it seems as if communication is key to keeping a couple’s sex life alive when married. Whether you want to try something new or revert to some oldie but goodie positions, talking to your partner can be the best thing for your relationship.

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How to Get Over Your Ex: Five Tips to Help You Move On

how to get over your ex
Are you wondering just how to get over your ex?  Perhaps you are feeling lots of pain, loneliness and longing, a sense of emptiness that is hard to shake.  Maybe you are obsessing about what happened, how you were hurt or what you should have said or done to keep your partner or spouse with you.
You may even be attacking yourself, and feeling “I’m such a screw-up” or “I’m damaged and will never get over this divorce.”  Or feeling depressed and hopeless, with thoughts like, “I’m not a good person, I don’t deserve love!”  You may be harboring resentments, anger or rage.  And having thoughts like, “He should have stepped up!”  “He is an a-hole to cheat on me—he doesn’t know what he had!”

But at times, underneath it all you may still love your ex and long to have him or her back. No matter what he or she did, whether it is cheating, abuse, abandonment or neglect. Which feels strange or illogical, but may be true nevertheless.

No worries.  All these responses are quite normal after a breakup or a divorce. We are wired to be strongly attached at a biological, emotional and spiritual level to our partners.  Especially when marriage is involved.

So, part of you may be holding on, while the rest of you knows that you need to move on and get over your ex.  And you have a strong intuition that once you can let go of your ex you will be a whole lot happier.  Which is very true!

Here are five tips to move on when you are needing and wanting to know how to get over your ex:

How to Get Over Your Ex Tip 1: Get BUSY!

Take out your calendar and fill it up with activities (virtual or real!). Watching movies with friends , shopping, online or off-line,  exercising (great for generating feel-good endorphins!),  watching  videos  on Youtube  on topics that used to be of interest to you (I know they do not seem that interesting right now!),  doing yoga or  meditation, or participating in other professional or social groups.  You want to take your most precious asset—your attention– off of your ex.

How to Get Over Your Ex Tip 2:  Use the Spiritual Solution

The most healing place to put your attention is on spiritual or religious activities, prayers or meditations.  Spiritual salve is the most healing salve of all, which has been attested to for thousands of years.  So take walks in nature, listen to spiritual or uplifting music, attend religious services if you are a member of a church or synagogue.  Use a mindfulness practice or dust off your old mantra and use it for meditation.  If you are a member of a 12-step group attend more 12 step meetings. Or use my guided meditation below. You will feel much, much better.


How to Get Over Your Ex Tip 3:   Growing is the best revenge!

Work on yourself.  Show yourself what your ex is missing!  This will help you feel free of that old relationship. Give yourself a nickname that speaks to the best you, the you that you highly approve of.   I call this your Diamond Self identity.  You can use words like triumphant, phoenix, resilient, strong, undaunted or better-than-ever, in your nickname. You can also add words that speak to your new future. So, for example, your new nickname could be Triumphant Goddess of Light and Love, or Phoenix-Rising Angel of Beauty and Freedom.

You get the idea!  It is very powerful to play with this.  Once you get your Diamond Self identity, you can use it to help you feel even better about yourself! Get a makeover in line with your nickname. Write it down and keep it near your computer, on your mirror and in other places where you can see it every day.

How to Get Over Your Ex Tip 4:  Get out there and Date

Force yourself to get online or on an app and date.  Even if you really don’t want to.  Even if nobody measures up to your ex.  Also ask your friends for support and help with this.  They can set you up with a single friend or sit at the computer and help you look online.  Once you get some nibbles from other guys, things will feel very differently in terms of your feelings for your ex.

How to Get Over Your Ex Tip  5:  Get that it’s not over ‘til it’s over

When you work on coming alive through new interests, spiritual and personal growth and work on your Diamond Self identity you will create a whole new life for yourself that juices you up.  Which means, while there are no guarantees, you are optimizing the chances that you can get your ex back and create a relationship with him that is better than ever.

For example, Susan, a lovely blue-eyed nurse, came into our coaching program after losing her boyfriend.  After dating Josh, a doctor at her hospital  for a year, he had suddenly announced that he wanted to date other women. Susan did all the work we have described in this article. She worked closely with her coach and created the Diamond Self name Irresistible Triumphant Angel of Love. Susan gave herself a makeover and dated several other guys.

A few months after the breakup, she was doing much better. So she decided to meet Josh for coffee. At that little date, he truly realized what he lost. He asked to get back together, but Susan, in her new empowerment, said she would have to be engaged to him in order to consider it. He said yes and the rest is history.  Susan and Josh are now very happily married!

This kind of outcome doesn’t always happen, but it can.


So there are 5 tips for how to get over your ex.  Always remember, you deserve lasting passionate love with someone who is crazy about you!  If you want to discuss your unique situation with your ex, have a powerful, free Breakthrough-to-Love session by phone, Skype or Zoom.


Listen with Your Heart—10 Tips for Couple Communication

Couple communication is a subtle art with a lot of dos and don’ts. No one ever really explains the dynamics of maintaining effective communication between couples, but this article will give you ten tips to smooth things out with your partner.

Apart from physical attraction and the magic pixie dust of fate, communication is a major part of what brings people together in friendships, relationships, and marriage. No wonder, then, that communication is the golden key for couples who want to enrich and sustain their relationship.

Still, you’ve got to wonder: isn’t it funny that no one really tells you how to communicate? Here’s a secret: it may not be easy, but it’s not exactly rocket science either. Here are ten tips for couple relationship communication and conflict resolution.

1. Just Listen: Don’t Judge, Don’t Advise, Don’t Discount

When your significant other is talking, listen. Listening is probably the most important part of communication, especially if you are a man. Don’t interrupt the conversation by offering advice that has not been requested. You end up looking judgmental and condescending.

The art of listening involves a lot of empathy and patience. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and try to understand their situation. If you don’t understand, ask them to repeat or clarify.

2. Say What You Want From Your Partner

Your significant other can’t read your mind unless you express yourself clearly and directly. If you want more help with the chores, be open about it. If you want your partner to contribute more to your finances, say it.

Also, before you start talking, say if you are looking for advice or are just venting. Don’t leave people guessing, which creates unnecessary stress and tension.

If it is something that you feel is sensitive, it might be okay to involve trusted friends and family. However, be very careful with this option as it is easily misconstrued for overstepping and lead to mistrust. Try using a best friend, parents, or siblings for a start.

3. Think Before You Speak

Communication is meant to be a conscious process. Don’t be the kind of person who opens their mouth every time they feel that they have something to say. In the military, they teach you that every conversation should have an objective. Unless you’re making small talk, make your conversations thoughtful and objective to avoid hurting your partner inadvertently.

4. Be Sincere and Truthful

Agree from the word go to always be open and truthful with your partner. This builds trust and creates an environment where each party is free to communicate their feelings and needs without needing to justify themselves.

However, there is a limit to this sincerity in a couple of communication problems. If you suspect your partner is doing something like cheating but have no evidence, don’t say it. Get concrete evidence before confronting them, because if you say it and it happens to be false, you will push them away for good.

5. Respect Each Other’s Opinion

A lot of couple communication articles encourage diplomacy in a relationship, which means respecting each other’s opinions and agreeing to differ when the situation calls for it. Relationship experts do it by recognizing that a couple is composed of three entities: the two individuals and their relationship.

That means that you always have to think of the ‘I,’ ‘You,’ and ‘We’ to help clarify your goals and improve couple communication. However, sometimes love is gone for good, and no amount of communication will resuscitate it. When it’s time to find new love, visit for best rated dating sites and start your search for true love.

6. Make a Conscious Effort to Keep Communication Alive

Couple and family communication tend to fizzle out when it left to its own means. Work, school, kids, friends, hobbies, and other distractions will eat into it unless every party makes a conscious decision to keep communication alive.

Set aside times for talking, even when you have no specific agenda. It allows everyone to start speaking their minds. However, it would help if you always chose the right place to initiate conversations.

7. Always Clarify and Avoid Assumptions

Assumptions are a sure way to kill any conversations. Don’t jump ahead of your partner by having preconceived conclusions before they are actually spoken. If you have any doubts or questions, have them clarified right there and then. The successful conveyance of meaning is the only way to have an effective couple’s communication.

8. Ask After Their Welfare

One early trend in a couple’s lack of communication is disinterest in daily welfare. Simple things like ‘how were your day’ or how did the meeting go’ are crucial if you care about your partner and want to keep communication alive.

Be open when asking such questions to give them a chance to share. If you ask, ‘did your meeting go well?’ chances are that you will get answered with a simple yes or no statement. However, an open-ended question gives more room for sharing.

9. Learn to Read Their Non-Verbal Cues

In his book ‘Silent Messages,’ Professor Mehrabian showed that at least 55% of meaning is conveyed through non-verbal cues. Facial expressions, gestures, inferred meaning, emotions, among others, carry much of the weight in meaning. So much for direct and clear communication.

Learn to read your partner. What signs show their frustration? What says they’re angry? Part of being a successful couple is being tuned to each other’s body language to understand them better.

10. Don’t Read More Than Is Proffered

On the same note, don’t be an annoying mind reader. No one likes to be probed and analyzed like a specimen. If they asked about your day, answer, and leave it at that. Why do you need to know why they asked about your day?

As a couple, you need to learn not to investigate each other’s every motive and trust that they mean your good. If you can’t trust your significant other, there is little reason to be together in the first place.


Any relationship needs effective communication to remain successful. Whether it’s between you and your parents, friends, a boss at work, or couple communication, embracing these tips will help you deal with people better.

What do you wish that those close to you knew about you? Let us know in the comments below.

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