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5 Dating Applications to Double Your Dating Life (For Men)


In light of Covid 19, I decided to invest some money and time into learning online dating and how to text a woman. This is tested through real life results, real cash and real dates. Three months of tests after hundreds matches and tens of dates… here is what I concluded.

However, before you go through these 5 applications, do note that the same principles of building a strong online profile is required. 

Tinder

In general I find that women on Tinder are busy and you need to strike whilst the iron is hot. This means, you need to reply fast and form a connection fast.

Think about it, women are going to get matches easily. They have a ton of opportunities. You’re just one of their matches in their sea of options, whilst it’s mostly the other way round for the average men on Tinder.

Tinder, and most online dating applications are about fast follow up. The only way to make Tinder work at scale is purchasing gold and boost. 

Beware: There are many fake accounts using Tinder to scam desperate men. They abuse the function of a Tinder passport. It’s quite easy to tell them apart after a while. Their photos have heavy make-up and then end up talking about ‘finance’ or ‘money’ after a while.

In general, if you match with a girl and she asks you to take it to another platform immediately, then it’s a red flag. Real women do not give out their profiles too easily.

OkCupid

To set up a proper profile on OkCupid, it requires a little bit more effort of designing the profile and answering the questions. It’s also a little more formalized than Tinder.

I found OkCupid useless without the paid feature. You need the paid feature to get matches and start conversations. I didn’t get many results through OkCupid and don’t really bother with this application after a couple of months.

Coffee Meets Bagel

Coffee meets bagel has a more professional feel to it. The paid subscription is the most expensive amongst the other dating applications.

I got curious and finally purchased the paid feature of Coffee Meets Bagel. The paid features allow you to reveal profiles that have liked yours. To my surprise, no one ‘liked’ my profile prior to this. I’ll be making profile tweaks over the next thirty days to see if I can get more likes and matches.

The paid subscription also allows you to ‘like’ more profiles per day, up to 8.

I did get dates and results from a Coffee Meets Bagel application. The women here seem to be the most invested and are willing to converse and go out on dates with you.

Bumble

Yes, I did get results from Bumble similarly. It’s a women oriented application and gives the woman the power to initiate.

For us men, using Bumble for an organic dates generation platform is much better than paying for the boost. I had almost zero results when it came to boosting as compared to OkCupid and Tinder.

You’ll need a strong profile as usual need to be actively swiping to get matches:

 You swipe, you appear on the like feed of the woman, and she’s motivated to swipe or purchase premium to reveal you. That’s how Bumble makes money.

Hinge

Hinge is one of if not my favorite dating applications. It allows you to comment on photos and prompts. This way, you CAN stand out from a the women’s POV.

You’ll rarely get high quality organic leads and likes from this application. However, if you understand online dating, and know how to comment and do what I call a cold outreach method. Then it’s totally worth your time. There’s no need to pay a premium for this application.

I did get high quality matches and dates from this application.

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Posted by Marcus

Marcus Neo publishes practical dating advice based on psychological research at MarcusNeo.Com

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How to Find Love in The Midst of Lockdowns


In 2020, world governments announced shutdown measures are pretty strict and socially restrictive. In short, most social gatherings are not allowed and most retail malls aren’t going to be allowed to fully operate at scale. This means: · You cannot approach women on the streets · You can’t rely on social gathering to meet women · You can’t rely on clubs and bars to meet women It’s may not going to…

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Eating, Food, and Dating | the Urban Dater


I love food, I love to eat, and food is an important part of my social interactions. When I ventured back into the world of dating after many years of marriage, I realized how people’s perspectives on food can interfere with dating relationships.

Of course, much else had changed in the dating world as well; for instance, my age and the manner in which people met (yeah…the whole online dating thing makes me long for the good old bar hookups of the 1990s). But back to food: I’m not a glutton and I eat quite healthy, but I really enjoy eating with others. I find that how people approach eating affects how comfortable I am in their company. How people approach food, particularly food consumption with others, can be influenced by deep-seated cultural norms or individual preferences. Whatever the source, it is a determinant of the dynamic we have with others. And I use the term “approach to eating” much more broadly than specific culinary preferences or dietary orientations.

Let me use an example from my family life as an illustration of cultural norms regarding eating before I turn to stories from dating experiences. My spouse’s parents were from the Midwest and, let’s just say, Fargo did a much better job of describing them than I could. (This Thrillist article is interesting: https://www.thrillist.com/lifestyle/nation/my-life-living-midwestern-nice). During early visits to their home, I quickly learned that the notion of “Midwestern nice” does not include warmth and hospitality. Even though we had traveled to visit them, a meal was prepared only if one was promised in advance.

The first time we got to their home in the morning, I nearly exploded when I realized that there was no breakfast; not even coffee. Of course, on subsequent mornings, we hit a diner in the morning and headed out for most meals. We were told at the beginning of the trip that a Christmas meal would be served; I didn’t realize that meant that it would be the only meal served. One might ask why I was not warned about this lack of hospitality by my spouse; well, I think that sort of candor also goes against the grain of that culture. During their first visit to my home, of course, I carefully planned each meal (resplendent with my nice dishes and silverware). Before each meal, they invariably commented that they were not hungry and then proceeded to clean their plates without one comment or compliment. I was perplexed. Then my spouse privately indicated to me that I was making them uncomfortable with my elaborate meals and that a better strategy might be to simply ask them what they would like for dinner. So I asked them that night. They said that they were not hungry and didn’t want anything; I said fine no dinner. Their son urgently rushed me to a private spot and said “So you are not making them dinner? They don’t mean it that they are not hungry; we have to fix dinner.” What??? I was lost! It would never occur to me to say I’m not hungry if I am. But I would also compliment a host on the food they prepare for me. These were cultural norms that a Jewish girl just did not understand. We cook, we eat. We have guests, we eat. We go somewhere, we eat. No, food doesn’t define us. But it doesn’t make us uncomfortable either. (Just an aside, a Georgetown linguist, Deborah Tannen has done some interesting research on cultural variations in communication styles within the United States; e.g.: https://momentmag.com/a-jewish-life/).

But I promised dating stories, so here they come. Middle-aged online dating has many challenges and food is a minor one, but I did find myself paying attention to how men approached food and eating (I say men because of the demographic to which my observations were limited). Well, most are pretty normal actually. The ones mentioned here struck me as odd, or just not very comfortable to be around.

Some don’t believe in dinner on the first date. They ask you to meet them for a drink at 7:00 pm, sit at a bar drinking until 8:00 pm, and then ask if you would like another drink. I eat dinner, and I eat it early. I’m a small person. I need to not drink very much on empty stomach. Apparently, to some people a “dinner” date carries some significance that they are not willing to attribute to that outing. Dude, I just want to eat! One such man I ended up having two subsequent dates with, both at his lovely home. Both evenings, he had prepared a gorgeous array of food which we never ate. Yeah strange. Let’s have some wine. Let’s sit on the patio. Let me show you the garden. Then it’s 10:00 pm and I say good night and leave; the topic of the dinner on the table never comes up. That one I truly can’t figure out. I decided it was just weird enough to steer clear of.

Then there are the vegans. I’m totally respectful of their lifestyle and culinary choices; I just don’t know what to do with them. Can’t make them food, can’t pick a restaurant; it just gets frustrating. If you are not a vegan, you don’t even think of all the infractions in any food you might offer them. I don’t even try; can’t win that one. During my last interaction with such a person, he very nicely said “let’s just take food out of the equation; we can do this without food.” Well, I didn’t know how.

The men who keep strict kosher. Again, I am very respectful of their lifestyle. In fact, I claim to keep kosher myself, but you know, the reform version of kosher (avoiding pork and shellfish). The first thing I learned about real kosher-keepers: you can’t really go out to restaurants. I enjoy eating out too much to give that up. But it’s not just that; they can’t eat at your home either because your kitchen is not kosher. One time, when expecting a guest with those dietary restrictions, I was told by him to not worry about cooking anything and just get some fruit. I understood, and said I will make a fruit salad. No…my knives couldn’t touch the fruit; it had to remain whole and unpeeled. Of course! And my dishes won’t work either. Yeah…sorry. Can’t do it.

On the other extreme are those who look at you strangely (even roll their eyes) if you rule out menu items at a restaurant because they contain shellfish or if you ask them to hold the cheese on a burger. Then they proceed to ask why we do this and try to explain that there is no health risk associated with those foods. Oh, and the best comment: you are missing out, this pork chop is so good! I really don’t want to have a conversation about rabbinic law; nor am I an apologist for any cultural / religious practices. I just don’t want to eat bacon; can we get past that? I won’t judge the other person for ordering whatever they want, but if they decide to order very unkosher stuff, then perhaps it’s not a good idea to reach over with their fork to try something off my plate.

It sounds rather shallow to say that you can’t have a relationship with someone who doesn’t eat what you do. No, it’s not about eating *what* you like, it’s about eating *how* you like. Food and eating is an integral part of most cultures, and sharing meals with loved ones is so very important for bonding. I say that as someone who spent four years of her life obsessed with body-building, counting/writing down every calorie consumed, and not sharing meals with her family. Yes, there was pretending to eat sometimes. Yes, there was eating “the right stuff” before going out to a dinner and then ordering a salad. Yes, there was avoidance of social events and holiday gatherings. I have to say, a chiseled body feels really darn good. And it looks really good when you look at yourself in the mirror before getting in the shower. But sharing those meals with loved ones would have felt better.

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No Chemistry? Can You Still Fall in Love?


no chemistry

Can you fall in love when there’s apparently no chemistry? Have you met a nice guy who has so many of the caring and great qualities you want and need, except, there are no sparks?  This is a problem that can be maddening!  Is there a future with this guy or not?

If you continue dating him, will you be settling for a sexless relationship or marriage?  Will you feel like you are with your brother or best friend but not with your lover?  Ugh!

Well, this blog will help you answer those questions once and for all! The short answer to the question, can you fall in love with a guy when there’s no chemistry is ‘yes.’  You can even develop a great love relationship with chemistry! But there are some preconditions that need to be there to help it all work out to a happily-ever-after for you.

Client Example

Here is a recent email sent to one of my coaches by a client:

I went a tough break-up and was trying to move on and grow from the experience to ready myself for the “right” man.  We had been broken up for about a year when I discovered Dr. Diana’s book that eventually led me to entering coaching with you.  You really helped me get through it and grow so much.  I wanted to write to you to update you on where I am now in my life and how I owe so much of it to you. 

 I met the “one” about a year or within the year after you had coached me and we got married this summer!  One of the things I remember you telling me was about getting to know a guy was like opening boxes within boxes and how every box I open reveals something new about that person, to take my time truly getting to know them and be sure to unwrap each box.  Also how to open my mind to all types of men and not judging someone too quickly if I don’t consider them to be “my type.” 

When I met him the night our mutual friends threw us together, I remember thinking to myself, he’s not my type, there is no chemistry– I wasn’t attracted to him.  My friend kept telling me to give him a chance.  So I eventually took her advice and kept unwrapping each box.  I kept my mind open, living in the moment, paying attention to his actions and how he made me feel.  I developed feelings for him very slowly, hoping they would eventually catch up and that just because I wasn’t initially physically attracted to him, I still kept my mind open. 

No Chemistry? A Year Later

Well, about a year of dating this man, I realized I loved him.  Those feelings did catch up! It’s not the kind of love I had ever felt before.  It was deeper, mature, something that included everything I had been looking for and wanting.  He became more attractive to me over time and I allowed for that connection to grow. And it still is!

 I could go on and on, but finding love with the right person is possible and I’m proof at almost 53!  It’s never too late to find that right love and to seek out advice when you need it.  Thank you for that help you gave to me.  I will forever be grateful! 

 All the best, Jamie

Bottom Line: Jamie got her happiest-ever-after, a love that was beyond her imagination with a guy who seemed to have no chemistry at the beginning of the relationship.

No Chemistry? Love Comes in Surprising Packages

As Jamie discovered, sometimes what you need to be happy is different from your fantasy about it! In fact love almost always comes in a surprise package!!!  In any case, no one gets exactly what they want–in love, in career, or in anything else for that matter. And waiting around for that fantasy can cost you a lot. It is better to be heads up to see what life is bringing you, as it could be someone or something you truly need to grow and become very fulfilled.  In other words, you may have a surprise match who turns out to be an even better partner than you ever imagined!

So what are the preconditions to look at to decide whether you should give your guy who is less than sizzling hot, a chance?  This is what we will cover below!  You don’t want to miss out on love that comes right to you in a surprise package!

BTW It is best to give your no-chemistry man a chance while working the dating program of three, where you date three  guys casually at the same time with no sex (kissing and canoodling is OK).  This way you have not wasted your time by giving the no-chemistry guy a chance.

RELATED POST: THE DATING PROGRAM OF THREE

Here are preconditions and tips to  figure out what to do when you meet a great guy but there is no chemistry:

What to do when there’s no chemistry tip 1: Does he smell good to you?

That was not a typo!  Smell is key in whether a person can ultimately be attractive to you sexually.  Research has shown that guys who are genetically different from them  smell much better to women.  And are more attractive as a mate.  So  take a whiff of his neck or chest—does he smell good,  maybe even “good enough to eat”  LOL, like my husband does?  Then keep him on your dating program of three dance card.  If he does not smell good, he is not a good candidate for chemistry to develop between you.  So move on.

What to do when there’s no chemistry tip 2: Does he pass the three question litmus test?

Whether a new guy has chemistry with you or not, there are three key questions to ask to determine whether he is worth putting into your Dating Program of Three.  If your new match meets the criteria of these three questions, he could grow into having great chemistry with you!

THE THREE-QUESTION TEST

When you meet someone, ask yourself the following questions. Is this guy:

I. Crazy About Me?

  • Eager to see me
  • Reluctant to leave me
  • Interested in me and my life
  • Wants to be helpful
  • Is verbally and physically affectionate
  • Wants to be sexual with me (even if there is no chemistry yet!)
  • Acts like I am very special; doesn’t really want to date others
  • Willing to hang in there as I work the Program of Three

Program of Three Contender = Yes on at least 4 of the above

II. Willing to Grow?

  • Takes suggestions or advice
  • Is self-reflective
  • Is willing to go to therapy or life coaching
  • Takes growth courses
  • Meditates or prays
  • Is in a 12-step program or men’s group

Program of Three Contender = Yes on at least 2 of the above

III. Meeting the Basics?

  • Is a good guy—reliable, tells the truth, cares about others
  • Wants a real, committed relationship
  • Willing to have children if I want them
  • Successful—has a good income
  • Is a member of my religious faith
  • Isn’t in a relationship with anyone else
  • Comes from a stable family of origin
  • Is geographically desirable

Program of Three Contender = Yes on at least 4 of the above

A guy has to meet the standards in each of the categories to date you on an ongoing basis. Choosing from this pool of men will save you a lot of wasted time with men who are not into you, scoundrels who betray you, or narcissists who blame you for any problem.

And most importantly, a guy who meets all the test criteria above can provide a solid, growing relationship that can ultimately open lots of chemistry, as you move into a more trusting and intimate connection with him!

What to do when there’s no chemistry tip 3: If he passes the test above, be sure to have a second or third date.

You cannot know what secret goodies are hidden in someone just by meeting him once. You have to let a potential partner unfold and show you his different sides. Even if you feel there is no chemistry. Chemistry can happen in a heartbeat.  You want to break your old self-sabotaging dating patterns that led you to be attracted to guys who were not right for you. Love almost always comes in a surprise package; most people do not end up with the kind of person they imagine for themselves.

What to do when there’s no chemistry tip 4: Make sure some sparks fly in the first month or so

Try flirting, touching, massaging and a little kissing and hugging.  You want to have a few sparks of attraction fly out of your interaction in the first month or so.  Also, see the guy in his element, let’s say playing his guitar on zoom, or giving a talk about an environmental issue.  Does he suddenly look or feel different?  More attractive?  This means the sparks are starting to fly and you want to explore the relationship further!  On the other hand, if you try some flirting and touch and see him in his element and new sparks of attraction never happens in the first month or so, move on!

So there are four key tips to help you decide what to do with a new guy who is great and smitten with you, but you feel no chemistry.  The idea is to see if chemistry can happen! Then you could have the whole package—deep, lasting love and great passion too!

RELATED POST: HOW TO SPARK CHEMISTRY WITH A GOOD MAN

 

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Emotional Affair: How to Turnaround Your Relationship


emotional affair

Do you suspect that your partner or spouse is having an emotional affair?   Perhaps you are feeling alone and isolated, even though you are in a relationship or married, or even if you are quarantining with your partner right now. It is almost like you don’t really have love in your life even though, you do have a partner or spouse.

My coaching team is reporting that despite more physical proximity with partners, clients are saying that there’s been an increase in concerns about emotional affairs. The emotional juice, the attention, the appreciation, and caring are focused on a third person, not on them. This can even happen virtually—via texts, emails, shared photos, Facebook and phone calls. This other person, this special friend becomes a fantasy of all that is wonderful to the partner. While you languish and feel neglected.  And more and more upset, abandoned or rejected.

You may find yourself constantly fighting about the emotional affair and your partner’s special friend.  You worry that their relationship may become sexual.  Or that your partner may just run off with his or her special friend.  You may feel like your marriage or relationship is going downhill and won’t last.  You may be feeling worse and worse in terms of your attractiveness and self esteem.  These are all signs that your partner is having an emotional affair.

RELATED POST: SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL CHEATING

But the great news is that you can turn things around in your couple.  You can overcome an emotional affair.  Here are six keys that can get you back on a connected loving footing with your partner.

Overcoming an Emotional Affair Key #1: Journal about your deeper feelings of pain

Get underneath your anger to journal about and explore your loneliness, sadness and  hurt.  Journal about the pain.  How you feel abandoned.  Like a second fiddle.  The suffering.  The loss in self-esteem.  The feeling of being alone and isolated. The pain you are feeling is most likely linked to childhood wounds. Link it back to some times in your childhood where you felt abandoned, for example, in dealing with a distant mother or father.  Remember that time you were ignored by your father when you appeared in your prom dress.  Or that time your mother forgot to pick you up at school. Journal freely about your experiences of abandonment now and in the past.

Overcoming an Emotional Affair Key #2: Arrange a time to have an important talk with your partner

Then let your partner know that you need to have an important talk with them that affects the future of your relationship.  Arrange a time to speak where you can be alone with your partner, with no kids, cell phones or distractions.  Ask him or her to please  plan to listen to what you have to say because it affects your relationship or marriage going forward.  If this is done with very little drama and a simple serious tone, it is very very powerful!  I repeat, If this is done with very little drama and a simple serious tone, it is truly  powerful!  When delivered this way, this simple announcement will usually get your partner or spouse’s attention!

Overcoming an Emotional Affair Key #3: Talk without drama

Sit down with your partner at the time you agreed to have the talk.  Make sure there are no diversions.  Once again, avoid drama. Avoiding drama fully empowers you.  Drama just weakens your position and what you have to say.  In a drama-free way remind him or her to please listen to what you have to say because you are having problems being in the relationship or marriage  going forward.  And things may not work out.  This will definitely get their attention if they are interested in being with you going forward.

Then take your journal notes and authentically share the real pain, loneliness and upset you have been having because of their relationship with their special friend.  Describe how your self-esteem has gone down, the anxiety symptoms you may be experiencing, like insomnia, or changes in appetite.  Or depressed  feelings.  Be as real as possible about your pain, upset and suffering.  Let him or her know how this ties into your childhood wounds and the deep pain you have experienced as a child.

Overcoming an Emotional Affair Key #4:  In your talk, do not blame your partner or their special friend

When you are having your powerful talk with your partner, be very careful to not blame him/her or their special friend for your upset!  This will simply put them on the defensive and they will stop listening.   Just own your own pain and talk about it.  The goal is for your partner to focus on you and to have compassion for you and your pain. Just share your upset, pain and suffering, without blame.

When you are dealing with your partner’s emotional affair, usually getting angry, blaming, criticizing, or taking pot shots at your partner or their special friend gets you nowhere.  That is, unless you are the type that never expresses their anger—in which case, go for it.  If you are this type of person, express your resentment or anger authentically, but add the hurt you are feeling because of their emotional affair.

Overcoming an Emotional Affair Key #5: Be clear about what you need from your partner

Without drama, let your partner know what you need him or her to do in order to move forward in the relationship or marriage.  This may include more alone time, more dates, more sex, more loving texts,  or  more intimate talks.  It can also include more nurturance, affection and validation. Where you feel like number one in the relationship!  It will almost certainly include breaking up the emotional affair.  The best way to break up the affair is to have your partner go cold turkey—no contact at all with their special friend! Ask for all the things you need in detail!  Be specific.  As in, “I need you to text me loving messages in the morning and the evening!”

Explain that if your partner does these things your relationship can move to a whole new level of love!  Because he or she will be truly coming through for you as your champion in a real and powerful way.  In a way that will heal your childhood wounds of abandonment,  touch your heart and make them your hero/heroine forever!  This is what will usually happen!  If you do take a stand and your partner rises to the occasion you can have a whole new level of love!

But to do this step you need to screw up your courage and take a stand for yourself.  You are the only one who can do that for you.  And you are worth it!

Overcoming an Emotional Affair Key #6:  Stay safe!

One caveat about stating that things may not work out for your couple, or sharing your anger with  your partner over the emotional affair. If your partner may get violent with you, do not do it.  Safety is your number one concern!  If you are dealing with a violent partner, I strongly suggest you get professional help from a local therapist who can help you  deal  with the situation and if need be, find a safe house in your area.

Ok, so there you have six powerful tips for overcoming an emotional affair.  But if you are having trouble with any of the steps, take advantage of a gift session with one of my coaches.  She can definitely help you!

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Ten Interesting Questions to Ask a Guy Who May Be Shy


interesting questions to ask a guy
Are you wondering about interesting questions to ask a guy who may be shy?  Maybe there is a hottie in your life who you would like to know better or date.  It can be super challenging to interact with someone who is in the hottie zone and not know what to say or what to ask to help him open up and forge a bond.

You may feel like there are missed opportunities for connection, times when you could have opened things up between you that come and go.  This challenging process can even happen when you are first messaging a guy on a dating app, as well as IRL.   It is soooo very frustrating, I know!

So I have prepared ten great tips and questions designed to help a guy open up and start a real, heartfelt conversation with you.  Which can lead to a great friendship, a caring bond, a soulmate relationship and all kinds of wonderful outcomes!

Interesting Questions to Ask a Guy: Tip #1

If you see a hottie on a dating site or app, look at what he says he loves in his profile, validate his interest and ask for more info about it. You will tap into his passion and  he will respond as this is probably something he LOVES to talk about!  So for example, if he says he loves hiking in Waimea Canyon, you could say, “When did you discover Waimea?  It’s awesome!”  Or if he is a Philadelphia Eagles fan, ask him who his favorite player is.

Note, as with all these questions, if he does not respond he is not that interested or available and move on.

Interesting Questions to Ask a Guy: Tip #2

At the beginning of a messaging conversation, you can really open things up by throwing out three questions — two real ones and one funny one to lighten things up. One question is ok – but three, ending with a fun one really gets the conversation more interesting and memorable.  Something like, “Hey Joe I’m intrigued. I’d love to know a bit more about you! For example, where did you grow up? What kind of work do you do? And, most importantly, what’s your ultimate guilty pleasure/ favorite candy/ favorite movie of all time/secret talent/most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?

Interesting Questions to Ask a Guy: Tip #3

You can also ask a funny questions like “Do you have a power animal?” or If you had a warning label, what would it say?”  “What’s your secret superpower 😉?”  Or, “What  would you do if you won the lottery”?  This differentiates you from all the other women out there.  It makes you stand out because you come across as much more interesting.  And it can really help a guy who may be shy to open up quicky!

Interesting Questions to Ask a Guy: Tip #4

Mine for more info about his goals You can ask questions like, “What brought you to Match (Tinder)?”  He may answer in a way that allows him to open up about his goals.  And this will tell you a lot!  Is he just looking to have fun?  Or to find a relationship?  If he says he is looking for fun or send a bare-chested photo indicating he wants a hookup, believe him!  Move on!

Interesting Questions to Ask a Guy: Tip #5

A super starting point in either messaging, a casual encounter, or on a first date is to ask, “Do you like adventure?”  It can open up a whole conversation about the cool trips and crazy experiences you’ve each had, and his response also tells you how likely he is to be compatible with you.  Ideally, you want a partner with a similar level of adventurousness.

A more cautious planner type and a just-go-for-it thrill-seeker will generally have a hard time making it work.  So if you’re the type to jump in the car for some surfing at the beginning of a brewing storm and he prefers to prep and plan all the details for a trip ages in advance, you may not click as naturally as you would with someone who shares your appetite for adventure.

Interesting Questions to Ask a Guy: Tip #6

Once you are on a date, ask him to tell you something neutral about his childhood, such as “What’s one of your favorite childhood memories?” Or, “Did you like growing up in Chicago?” After he answers, you might say, “Oh do your parents still live there?” Share more your positive childhood memories. This opens the door to give you more information and ask a follow-up question about his upbringing, such as “Oh, what are your parents like?” If he does share, you can validate him to encourage him to share more.  Say something like, “That sounds so interesting.”

Interesting Questions to Ask a Guy: Tip #7

So after a few dates with a guy who may be shy, a deep question to ask is  “What was the best and worst part of your childhood? The goal is to tease apart a guy’s past in a way that doesn’t feel nosy. So use a casual tone, and only ask him after sharing something about your own upbringing.  If he answers this question honestly, he will start to feel very close to you!  Learning about how he grew up will also clue you into his earliest template for love relationships. If a person is from a difficult background, that often indicates there is trouble coming down the pike. We’re not saying it’s an automatic deal-breaker if his family life was less than ideal, but it is a sign that you may have to deal with some issues in the future.   Listen carefully to his responses.

RELATED POST: 8 BEST FLIRTING TIPS WITH A SHY GUY

Interesting Questions to Ask a Guy: Tip #8

The question, “What are you most grateful for in your life?” can really help a guy who may be shy open up to you! This question will reveal loads about his value system and whether it fits with yours. For example, the guy who says he’s thankful for doing his health is quite different from the one who says he’s glad he snagged a big promotion at work.

Interesting Questions to Ask a Guy: Tip #9

“If you could have anything you wanted, what would your dream life be like?” This is a great question because you want to make sure your visions for the future sync up. Here’s how to get at that in a way that doesn’t feel loaded. Is he a free spirit or career-driven? Family-oriented or a bachelor for the long haul? In fact, all of these questions are key things to know.

Interesting Questions to Ask a Guy: Tip #10

After you have had a few dates, a great question to ask is, “What’s the best and worst part of your last relationship?” You can share something like, “I’ve learned so much about myself in my last relationship,” to get the ball going.  Then ask, What’s the best and worst part of your last relationship? Use his answers to assess self insight, blame, narcissism and whether he has an overall negative belief regarding love.

Here’s what you’re looking for: a guy who is willing to open up to you, and as he does, feels to you like he could be an authentic solid, caring friend. If possible, with a secure steady attachment style.  And for sure, someone who shows he really is into you.

So the next time you wonder, what are some interesting questions to ask a guy, go for it and give these tips a whirl!

 

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How to Find Love in 2021 that Meets the Calling of Your Heart


how to find love in 2021

Are you wondering how to find love in 2021 that ends the loneliness in your life in the new year?  In spite of ongoing covid-19?  In spite of lockdown?

The great news is that it’s a very promising time to find love that meets the calling of your heart! You are currently living in what I call the Age of Abundant Love.  Research shows that now one in three marriages in the U. S. begins online. Online relationships progress to marriage faster. And they are happier marriages! Digital dating has improved the landscape of love. And Covid has not slowed that down!

In fact, the social isolation and loneliness of lockdown has actually increased digital dating. Since March of 2020 Bumble has had a 26% increase in number of messages sent.  And Tinder conversations have been 10-30% longer!

RELATED POST: DATING DURING COVID-19

So here are Five Steps to make love happen for you in the coming year.

How to Find Love in 2021, Step 1:  Have a ‘New You’ Zoom Party with Your Besties!

Invite one or two of you best friends who love you to a ‘New You’ Zoom party where they give you a ‘makeover.’ Take them into your closet via your phone and show them your clothes and accessories.  Ask them about getting rid of unflattering stuff and putting together some hot new looks for you. Ask them for referrals to great hair salons or cool clothing stores or sites. Find a look that makes you feel great—that makes you feel like your high-value Diamond Self (best self identity!).

The friends who love you can see your beautiful one-of-a-kind self.  They appreciate you in a way that is hard to appreciate yourself.  Don’t feel like you are imposing—there is usually nothing that your friends like more than giving you advice!  While you’re at it, tell them you are looking to meet someone great and to keep you in mind.  Email or text the same message to any other buddies who did not make the party.

How to Find Love in 2021, Step 2:  Prioritize Finding Love

If you didn’t have a job and needed money—looking for one would be your absolute top priority. You would spend hours posting and searching sites like LinkedIn, scanning online recruiters, asking your friends, and jumping on any leads. On the other hand, finding love probably ranks pretty low on your to do list.  Think about it!

Do you spend hours binge-watching your favorite shows, Facebooking, e-mailing, texting, surfing, or shopping on Amazon because you have nothing better to do to fill your quarantine time?  Are you busy drinking and eating a bit too much or playing your digital game?  Are you better at planning your next binge-watch fest on Netflix than planning your dating life?

How about making a decision to change that in 2021?  One single, real decision to put your love life first and foremost will change everything.  One sincere decision will make it happen for you! Study after study has shown that relationships are treasured above all else when we think about what has meant the most in our lives. So make finding love in 2021 a top priority.

How to Find Love in 2021, Step 3:  Go to Virtual Mentastic Activities

Look at the thousands of events, meetups and group activities that are happening online through Meetup.com, Zoom and other outlets, which I call Mentastic activities.  These are things that are highly interesting to you that have lots of men in them—like investment classes, virtual artificial intelligence conferences, guitar workshops—you get the idea.  Places where you can meet fabulous guys who share your exact interest. Try to see if there are more local groups in your area to concentrate on. You can strike up great messaging conversations with the interesting guys and see where it all goes.

How to Find Love in 2021, Step 4: Work Your Digital Dating Program

Throw out your old photo and profile.  Have a friend who is a good photographer, make that a great photographer, take 100 head shots of you in order to get one that looks especially warm, attractive and inviting.  Get some opposite-sex friends to help you pick out the best photo and work on your profile. Ask them what they love about  you and be sure to include all of that great stuff in your new profile!  Sign up for two digital dating sites.  I like Match (no affiliation) and Tinder (no affiliation)  because they have so many people on them and this gives you lots of choices.

Dating is a numbers game. After you post your photo and new profile,  spend at least three hours a week looking around digitally, sending and responding to messages and ultimately connecting by Zoom, Facetime, phone and (safely) in person with people.  Block out time in your daily calendar to work the program.

RELATED POST: THE DATING PROGRAM OF THREE

How to Find Love in 2021, Step 5: Date Against Type

Most people do not find love with the type of person they imagine for themselves.  The woman who dates starving artists winds up marrying a rich, balding lawyer. Love almost always comes in surprise packages.  Look at photos and profiles that you would ordinarily take a quick pass on.  If you always go for the sleek metro-sexual, give the Midwesterner who just moved to your town a try.  If you go for the hotties, try someone who is has a heart of gold and maybe only a B+ on looks.  Try and experiment.

Even if you are not exactly blown away by a person at the first Zoom or Facetime date, remember to stay open.  You cannot know what secret goodies are hidden in someone just by meeting them once.  You have to let a potential partner unfold and show you his different sides.  If there is any connection with this person at all, give it another chance. Love almost always comes in a surprise package.

Now you have your five-step plan for how to find love in the coming year! If you want help with ending your loneliness once and for all, have a Breakthrough-to-Love session with one of my gifted coaches.  It is free, but time-limited. xo

 

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How to Be a True Gentleman on a First Date


It doesn’t matter if you’ve known your date your entire life or you connected over dating apps, you always want to leave a good impression on a first date. So, what steps should you take to be a true gentleman? I wrote about what I think are the basics, so keep on reading for my handy guide to first dates.

Decide on the location

The location of the date says a lot about you. First of all, you should ask your date whether they have any preferences when it comes to where you should go. Some people prefer a sit-down dinner where you can get to know each other better, while others find this boring and unnecessary and prefer getting a couple of drinks at a local bar. If your date lets you plan the evening, you can choose a fancy restaurant but keep in mind that you might have to make reservations ahead of time as the last thing you want is to show up and be told that there is no space for you. So, put some thought into it and call ahead or reserve your table online if possible. On the other hand, if you don’t want a potentially expensive dinner, there are plenty of other options. For example, you can go see a show, visit a museum, or do something else your city offers that you know your date is interested in. The most important thing is that you prepare properly and ahead of time, as winging it often gives the impression that you are not interested in your date.

Groom well before the date

To leave a good impression, you should also spend some time on grooming. If you didn’t get a haircut in some time, you should consider setting an appointment with your hairdresser. If you have long hair, style it so that it looks nice. Trim your facial hair and remove any unwanted hair. File your nails, take a shower, and put on deodorant. Don’t overdo it with cologne. Even if that is your signature scent, keep it subtle as you don’t want to overwhelm your date.

Wear nice clothes

Nice clothes are also a must. Of course, what you wear will depend on where you are going. For instance, you will probably not wear the same thing to a restaurant and to a museum. However, you still have to look nice and put some thought into the outfit. You don’t want to go to any extremes, so avoid suits and anything that is too formal but also remember not to make it too casual by going in surfer shorts and flip-flops. Jeans or a nice pair of slacks will do just fine and you can combine them with a wide range of shirts, from collared button-downs to sweaters. You can top it all off with a smart jacket or a blazer. The shoes are important as well. Dress shoes are not necessary and sneakers are definitely something you can opt for if you don’t own any boots. However, make sure they are clean and not completely worn-out. Accessories also play a big role, so don’t overlook your socks, belt, and watch.

Bring flowers to surprise your date

I know you think it’s a cliché and old-fashioned, but that is what makes it unexpected, right? If you’re looking for something to surprise your date with and show them that you put a lot of effort into the night, consider getting them flowers. You can easily order flower arrangements and have them delivered to your home on the day of the date if you don’t have time to go to a local flower shop. Whether you opt for a single red rose or a bouquet of pink tulips, your date will surely appreciate the gesture. 

Arrive on time

Once you decide on the time, you should offer to pick up your date. If they say yes, make sure you are there on time. Don’t be late but don’t be too early either as they might not be ready. When you get there, don’t just send them a text but go up to their door. On the other hand, if you agree to meet at a certain place, you should get there a bit early in order to scope out the place, ensure your reservation is still on, get the tickets you need, or just calm yourself down before your date arrives. Greet them with a hug, give them the flowers, and compliment their appearance.

Be polite to everyone

While you will surely be nice to your date and show how chivalrous you are, you have to remember to treat other people with kindness as well. Therefore, be polite towards the waiter and don’t badmouth the people around you. Your date will surely notice your negativity and might not be interested in a second date.

Come up with interesting topics to talk about

Seeing as how you are probably going to spend the majority of the date getting to know each other, you should think of some interesting topics you can talk about. For example, some people hate small talk so don’t be scared to talk about the future and deep fears. You can offer some info about yourself and ask your date questions. Show interest in what they like and you will have no troubles holding a steady conversation. Nod and smile to show that you are paying attention. On the other hand, a topic you should definitely steer clear of is past relationships and badmouthing your exes.

Pay for the meal

If you’re going to a restaurant, you need to pay the bill, especially if you suggested the spot. Your date might offer to split the bill but don’t let them. Tell them they can do it next time. This can be a charming way to suggest that you want another date.

Don’t have an end goal

Finally, you should not set any goals for yourself at the end of the date. Sure, you might want a kiss but if the situation doesn’t feel right, don’t feel obligated to rush anything. If you think the time is right, ask your date for permission. Tell them you had a great time, thank them for the date, and see whether they would like to meet you again soon.

From deciding on the right location and putting some effort into how you look to knowing how to act and what to say, this guide should help you act like a real gentleman when you go on a date.

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Posted by Alexis Walker

Alexis is a Sydney-based part-time writer and a full-time mom of two. Her words carry the richness and offer advice and inspiration to those who desire to improve their lives. Outside of the office, she takes pleasure in spending precious time with her youngsters and absorbing the happiness they constantly radiate.

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30+ Best Dating Advice – Luxy Blog


Trying to figure out what body type men are most attracted to should be classed as an extreme sport, am I right ladies?

At Luxy, we asked us the question what body type do millionaires like to date? I have questioned whether guys like skinny girls, curvy girls or ‘a bit in the middle’ kind of girls countless times.