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Lonely & Single? Beating the Nobody’s Girl Blues!


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Feeling lonely?  So many single women are feeling that way during these very stressful and isolating times!  Being single is real challenge right now, for sure. And it often leads to having what I call the Nobody’s Girl blues. I know all about it, because, as a result of my own lonely childhood, I grew up feeling like a Nobody’s Girl myself!

Nobody’s Girls are everywhere, especially now.  You are not alone in facing these lonely times. There are many more Nobody’s Girls than you realize.

For example,  there was Joy, a 40-something webmaster, who was brilliant and dedicated in her work.  Perhaps too dedicated.  Sitting alone in her apartment, with her chihuahua on her lap, she worked long hours into the night.  She had gained 20 pounds and didn’t like looking at herself in the mirror.  For this reason, she rarely dated.

That is, until she met Jason on Match.  He was an IT guy, a nerd who understood her.  Or so she thought.  More on Joy and Jason later.  First I want you to have an understanding of the Nobody’s Girl patterns, so that you can eventually overcome them and breakthrough to being connected, loved and feeling chosen.

The Lonely Nobody’s Girl – An Overview

Have you ever felt completely drained at the end of what was almost a relationship?  After a “relationship” that existed mostly in messages or texting and in your own imagination?  Have you ever thought to yourself, love is just too hard–I don’t need all this bull*.  I don’t need anyone…really.

This is the inner world of the Nobody’s Girl. As Shakespeare put it:

“I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he love me.”

Love is hard for everyone, but for the Nobody’s girl, it’s the hardest of all.  Expressions of love can actually hurt.  They are cruel reminders of what you secretly believe in you heart of hearts you can never have.  You say you want a relationship, and plans a life with a man and you mean it.  But saying one thing while believing another only gets you frustrated and unhappy.  Love only happens when you truly believe it’s possible for you.  And deep down you don’t.

And so you are a lone ranger used to riding solo.

The Lonely Nobody’s Girl Experience

As a Nobody’s girl you feel different, not the same as all those well-adjusted smiling yoinks that are all over social media.  They may look happy on their vacays with their hubbies and kids.  But many of those women are actually Nobody’s Girls deep inside, like you.  And they actually feel lonely and unhappy.  And not loved for real.  You will be surprised to discover, as you read on, that many Nobody’s Girls share common experiences.  You may not have had them all, but you will find you’re familiar with most of them.

First of all, when a fling ends you are upset, but you’re certainly not surprised to find yourself alone.  It’s all too familiar.  And when we say alone, that doesn’t just mean distanced from any romantic interests, but also guarded with other people in general. It’s a habit, a knee-jerk reaction.

Lonely Nobody’s Girl – Self-Sabotaging Beliefs

But if you looked underneath what you’d find is a belief:  to be real about what you need or depend on someone else would make you feel vulnerable and, in your mind, put you at risk.  Better to keep a stiff upper lip.  Brace yourself for a fall then rely on someone to catch you. . . someone who might not be there in time or might not be strong enough. So when a friend or co-worker offers to help you move your office or lend an ear, you most likely turn them down. You appear strong; others see a competent tough woman. Meanwhile inside you feel like a scared or shy child who’s definitely on the outside looking in.   The truth is your self-esteem and confidence lag far behind that strong veneer.

Lonely Nobody’s Girl – Few Real Friendships

You probably have one or two friends that you  text, call or ask to hang out. But otherwise you tend not to call people, to be proactive or reach out.  Your phone book’s not overflowing because of your soldier stance. Still you’re not without regrets for having to serve this tour of duty. A pang of jealousy may strike your heart as you overhear someone talking to their mom or dad for more than sixty seconds about some upset they’re having. “My parents would never be there for me like that,” you think to yourself.

Lonely Nobody’s Girl –  Not Feeling Your  Emotions

Actually, except for your few friends, it’s hard to share your upsets with anyone at all.  Sometimes it’s hard to even know exactly what is bothering you.   When you grow u p with no one listening to you, you get the impression that it may not even be safe to feel your feelings, to be afraid or angry, because those feelings just might take you over, swamp you.  So you learn to stuff down what’s inside.

You’re nervous and uncomfortable around people, especially new acquaintances.  And most especially when you like a guy.  And when you do manage to share your real thoughts, your self-doubt, it feels dangerous, like you are just asking for it, i.e., courting abandonment.

Lonely Nobody’s Girl – Example From the Movies

Clementine: Joely?
Joel: Yeah Tangerine?
Clementine: Am I ugly?
Joel: Uh-uh.
Clementine: When I was a kid, I thought I was. I can’t believe I’m crying already. Sometimes I think people don’t understand how lonely it is to be a kid, like you don’t matter. So, I’m eight, and I have these toys, these dolls. My favorite is this ugly girl doll who I call Clementine, and I keep yelling at her, “You can’t be ugly! Be pretty!” It’s weird, like if I can transform her, I would magically change, too.
Joel: [kisses Clementine] You’re pretty.
Clementine: Joely, don’t ever leave me.

~Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Clementine in Eternal Sunshine is the quintessential extraverted Nobody’s Girl Love Type. You can see how hard it is for her to be open.  And when Joel is loving, the first thought in her mind is him leaving her.

Lonely Nobody’s Girl – Seeking Approval from Others (Even if you decide not to!)

Most Nobody’s Girls feel unlikeable and tend to seek approval by giving people what they want.  If you become who they want you to be, at least you will keep a connection.  Depending on your unique gifts, you may go into the super-achiever mode (using brains to get attention), or the super-sexy mode (using your body to get love).

Most importantly you stuff down any resentment or anger and forget about asking for what you want or need.  Instead you tend to smile and “yes” people.  At least until you can’t take it anymore.  Then all Hell may break loose.

Lonely Nobody’s Girl – Over Giving in Love Relationships: The Case of Joy

When you are in a relationship, you often find yourself holding back from sharing your feelings with boyfriends because you’re certain that they won’t care . . . or you’re convinced they won’t be around for very long anyway so why bother?  Instead you may find yourself jumping through every hoop from perfectly-planned presents and Martha Stewart dinners to sexual acrobatics to keep your guy happy. . . even when you know it just won’t work…

So now back to Joy. Joy waited impatiently for the grocery doors to slide open and then rushed inside leaving a biting winter wind behind her. This was the third supermarket she’d ducked into in the past hour and she crossed her frozen fingers hoping they’d have the chocolate pudding she was searching for. It wasn’t for her, of course. It was for the cake she was going to bake for Jason for his birthday, from scratch.

Jason usually texted every few days, but it was going on almost a week. Some fresh air—she thought—would do her good. It would stop her from thinking the phone was ringing while she was in the bathroom handwashing some socks he’d forgotten at her place or sprinting down the hall to throw her garbage down the incinerator. If only they had the chocolate pudding it would solve all her problems.

Joy’s best friend Elvera had warned her against baking for a guy too soon, coming off too-eager and looking back to regret it all. But it was his birthday, after all. And she was sure the fastest way to Jason’s heart was through his stomach Besides, if she didn’t put in 150% to love him, how could she expect him to love her even half as much?

Lonely Nobody’s Girl –  Feeling Not Good Enough

The real dynamic in over giving like Joy is a secret belief that if you are good enough, do enough, fix him enough, make him see how he can’t really live without you, he will love you.  And this will be the one time that you can work magic. You’re like a little kid who believes that if she is really really good, she’ll get the special present she wants: an attentive prizing parent.  Of course, you can’t ever make anyone love you.  And, of course, Joy never even got to give Jason that moist yummy chocolate cake!  He broke up with her and did not even want to see her for her birthday. Whereupon, Joy ate a third of the cake at one sitting to quiet her heartbreak.

Luckily, Joy realized she had to break out of this self-sabotaging pattern of not feeling good enough.  She decided once and for all that she was going to learn how to love and empower herself.  And this was the beginning of a true change in her life.  She immediately called us for help and started doing what I call the Diamond Self work with a coach.  She gave herself the nickname, Chosen Wanted Blonde-haired Girl of Love and Light.

At first Joy thought the whole nickname was too positive for her.  But her coach pointed out the beautiful and quite amazing qualities Joy did have.  And Joy got it!   That new Diamond Self identity gave Joy the impetus she needed to change her attitudes and beliefs about herself and about relationships. We will return to Joy and what she did to change her life in Part II of this blog, Overcoming Loneliness.  Stay tuned!

Lonely Nobody’s Girl –  How You Can Start to Overcome Your Loneliness

You need to understand that you’re not simply stuck with your childhood script for the rest of your life. You can actually get reparented—get the loving appreciation, validation and guidance you always needed but never got.  In order to do that and rewrite your lonely childhood script, you need to find mentors, people who are like fairy godmothers to you, who can right the wrongs that have happened in your past.

This is the process I went through, myself, with a loving coach. And now I am definitely not a lonely Nobody’s Girl—I am married to the great love of my life!

You may have read other self-help books talk endlessly about how you can’t rely on other people to give you what you need.  Well on one level that’s true—you have to ultimately do it for yourself.  But it’s an awfully long road for a Nobody’s Girl pulling herself up by her own bootstraps and we’ve already shown you how trying to be Ms. Independent has backfired in the past.

The great news is there are loving, caring people who can nurture, validate and give you the experience of love that you can then take in and use to love yourself.  There are probably loving people in your network but you never gave them a chance.

I know: you are too shy.  And it won’t work for you and yada, yada, yada.  But overcome all that lonely Nobody’s Girl self talk and take a chance for yourself! You so deserve it!

RELATED POST: DO YOU NEED A LOVE COACH? 

 

 

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Pros and Cons of Dating Apps in 2021


The increasing popularity of dating apps has raised concerns over a possible shift in relationship dynamics. Those with reservations about online dating are worried about whether these types of online-driven unions are capable of lasting in the way that more traditional relationships first formed in the physical world might be able to.

However, a 2018 study done by the University of Geneva in Switzerland dismissed these fears, revealing that couples who used dating apps were more determined to live together as compared to unions formed outside the digital space. Additionally, women who found their significant other online had a stronger resolve to have children as compared to those who found love offline.     

Finding love in the digital age can be daunting but fun, depending on your experiences. However, most of the time, due to the sheer amount options available that you have to sift through, most of your connections won’t be the jackpot. Dating Insider can help you decide the best dating app for you, based on your preferences.

As you may have guessed, things are not all rosy in the online dating world. This article aims to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of searching love online:

Pros of Using Dating Apps:

  • Convenience. Searching for the right person takes time and effort. The good thing about using online dating apps is that you can use them anywhere, regardless of whatever you’re doing. Swipe all you want while bingeing on your favorite series or movies, or while lounging in your pajamas in bed.

With dating apps, you can get rid of wasted time and outfits, and save costs on taxi fare, flowers, and expensive dinners for people who only look like a perfect match on paper.    

  • Offers easy access. Regardless of ethnic, social, and economic background, an individual looking for love only needs to have an internet access to create an account to start finding the right person. This unrestricted access, though, brings with it some risk, which will be discussed further down.
  • Narrows down your choices. Dating apps typically let you filter your potential matches based on your preferences for a partner. Factors such as age, location, height, and gender are a few of the common filters you can adjust according to your liking. Filtering your date according to your desired traits is something that you can’t do #IRL.   
  • Ideal for shy people. Individuals prone to having panic and anxiety attacks when meeting and dating other people can finally skip these awkward situations. Shy people are always the underdogs in the dating scene, not being able to express themselves to their dream dates with confidence. Increase your chances of finding the one with these highly recommended dating apps for men.
  • Allows you to date without the guilt. In real life, dating two or three people at once may be enough to label you as a player, which may discourage you from seeking greener pastures, figuratively speaking. In comparison, users of dating apps are aware that their potential matches may be entertaining other prospective dates, too. But this doesn’t necessarily mean that loyalty may not be one of their strong suits. The opportunity to message and interact with your potential matches lets you identify who keep and then who to avoid or look out for, increasing your chances of hitting the jackpot.  

Overall, online dating apps can make meeting your potential partner easier, but there are downsides to this technology.

Cons of Using Dating Apps:

  • Makes interaction less ‘personal.’ On-screen communications, even via video calls, are less intimate than meeting face-to-face. Personal discussions allow you to sense the other person’s body language, so it’s easier to gauge whether a person is telling a lie or feeling uncomfortable. Trust and honesty are essential elements for relationships to thrive and grow, and a connection that doesn’t progress beyond the digital space may lead to a potentially shaky union.
  • You may become a target for bullies and cybercriminals. Cyberattacks can come in many forms, and some dating apps may expose you to anomalous transactions once you’ve fallen victim to cybercriminals. These people are out to get your personal and financial data and use it to their advantage. In some cases, they’ll try to get intimate videos and photos of you and then blackmail you into paying then before deleting the sensitive material. 
  • Prone to catfishing. Because there’s no need to personally meet in the getting-to-know-you stage, cybercriminals are seizing the opportunity to create fake profiles to lure unsuspecting love matches into a web of anomalous transactions.

These fakers use other people’s photos and woo you into divulging your deepest secrets, including financial details. Worse, they may turn out to be a wolf in sheep’s clothing. For your safety, inform your friends and family members about the name and location of your date.   

Final Thoughts

Online dating can be equally fun and dangerous. Whether you’ve been on the digital dating scene for a great amount of time or are a newbie, always prioritize your safety above all. Some dating apps offer a strong verification process and they’re worth looking into so that you can focus on forming meaningful relationships with your potential matches.       

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Posted by yannibmbr

Alex is the founder, creative director and managing editor at the Urban Dater. Alex also runs his own boutique marketing agency in Orange County, Ca: DigiSavvy. Among his treasured pursuits are bike rides with his girlfriend (don’t be perverted, now!), hiking, watching the Portland Trailblazers and the LA Angels. Follow Alex: Twitter | LinkedIn

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Does Your Everyday Conversation Predict if You’re Headed for a Breakup?


When doubts about a relationship start to creep in, people don’t just blurt them out. They might not want to worry their partner and figure they’ll ride out what could just be a rough patch. They probably think they can hide their feelings pretty easily.

But it turns out, hidden signs of their turmoil appear in the way they communicate.

In our recently published study, we were able to show that people’s language subtly changes in the months and weeks leading up to a breakup – well before they’ve made a conscious decision to end things.

Mining Reddit for cracks

Breakups are difficult to research. They unfold over weeks, months – even years. To truly understand the dynamics of a breakup, researchers should, ideally, be able to track people’s lives before, during and after the breakup takes place.

Historically, this hasn’t been feasible. But the study of long-term relationships is beginning to change with the advent of social media platforms such as Twitter, Facebook and Reddit. An increasing number of people are now chronicling their daily lives on these platforms, which allows researchers to look at how people cope with upheavals such as breakups both before and after the event. The analysis of people’s daily language can reveal information about their shifting emotions, thinking styles and connections with others.

One popular social media platform, Reddit, has designed an online infrastructure that mirrors the way we socialize in real life.

There are hundreds of thousands of communities, known as subreddits, geared to different interests, from tennis and politics, to gaming and knitting. This allows like-minded people to hang out, chat about their interests and ask for advice.

We studied a community called r/BreakUps/, where people discuss the dissolution of their relationships. We identified a group of 6,803 people who had posted about their breakups and tracked their posts up to a year before and after they ended things. But we didn’t just look at their posts on the r/Breakups subreddit. We tracked their words across all the subreddits they posted in during this time frame. We wanted to see if there were signs of their impending breakup even when they weren’t directly talking about it.

After analyzing over 1 million posts, we identified language markers that could detect an impending breakup up to three months before it actually took place. And we detected changes in people’s language that lasted up to six months after the event.

These changes were detectable even when people weren’t talking about their relationship. It could appear when the poster was discussing sports, cooking or travel. Even though these people didn’t necessarily know the end of the relationship was coming, it was already subtly influencing the way they communicated with others.

Worlds – and words – turned upside down

So how, exactly, does language change?

One big takeaway is that people tend to focus more on themselves, with increased use of “I”-words, as the breakup nears. This is common during a stressful life event, and other studies have shown an increase of self-referential language in people who are depressed or anxious.

At the same time, people’s language shows drops in analytic thinking processes, which are often associated with formal and logical thinking. Their language becomes more informal and personal. They make fewer references to concepts, which causes drops in the use of articles such as “the” and “a.” They’re more likely to talk about other people than ideas.

Around the time of the breakup, people also tend to reference their partner quite a bit, perhaps because they have yet to separate their identity from their partner. Afterwards – as people process their heartbreak – they begin to shift their focus to people who are supporting them during a difficult time.

[You’re smart and curious about the world. So are The Conversation’s authors and editors. You can read us daily by subscribing to our newsletter.]

People’s thought processes also experience drastic changes during the breakup. They begin to probe their understanding of the relationship as they try to figure out why it fell apart. This is typical of people trying to make sense of challenging life events, whether it’s trauma or bereavement.

As time moves on, people begin to craft a coherent narrative about their breakup, which causes other more logical processes – the ones that deteriorate around the time of the breakup – to reactivate. When this happens, they’re ready to move on with the next chapter of their lives.

For most people in our study, it took about six months for their language to return to normal. Of course, grief is a lengthy process and it’s natural to feel pangs and mourn for the loss of the relationship occasionally, even after that.

The fact that language analysis can detect subtle signs of a relationship being on the rocks means that clinicians – whether they’re mental health professionals, therapists or psychologists – could have a powerful tool at their disposal. For example, some people use phone apps to journal regularly. An app could automatically alert a user when their language is showing signs of extreme emotional distress and suggest resources or professional help.

This type of analysis is already being developed to detect and map other shifts in people’s lives, whether it’s their participation in a protest movement or the early stages of a health condition, and will only keep getting better as technology advances.

The Conversation

Featured Image – Signs of a fraying relationship can appear in subtle ways. Betsie Van der Meer via Getty Images

Sarah Seraj receives funding from the National Science Foundation, Templeton Foundation, and the National Institutes of Health.

Kate G. Blackburn receives funding the National Science Foundation, Templeton Foundation, and the National Institutes of Health.

James W. Pennebaker does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.


Read the original article here — https://theconversation.com/evidence-of-an-impending-breakup-may-exist-in-everyday-conversation-months-before-either-partner-realizes-their-relationship-is-tanking-154338

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Twin Flame Test: 20 Signs to Help You Know


twin flame test

Twin flames experience themselves as One, two halves of the same soul. The feeling of oneness is fantastic, a great bliss that makes everything in your life seem better. It is a love that is deeply spiritual, divinely blessed, meant to be, and fully alive on the emotional, physical, intellectual, sexual and psychic levels. Perhaps you have met someone and are wondering if this person is your twin flame.  Here is a 20-item twin flame test that will quickly help you to decide.

How to Score: If you agree with the statement, give the relationship one point.

Twin Flame Test #1  You both feel like you have known each other forever.

This can occur in your very first interaction!

RELATED POST: TWIN FLAME LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

Twin Flame Test #2  Both of you have this profound sense of coming home when you are with this person.

You feel relaxed and like they are family.

Twin Flame Test #3  You both feel like you were born to love each other.

There is a sense of destiny to the relationship.

Twin Flame Test #4   He or she completes you at the deepest level, makes you whole again in a way that no one else can.

The relationship feels different than any other. Not out of neediness but that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

Twin Flame Test #5 You both  feel a special bond that is more intense than any connection you have ever felt before.

The relationship feels like the most important one of your life.

Twin Flame Test # 6  Both of you can be fully real and authentic.

You can deeply feel your feelings and share even your most private thoughts.

Twin Flame Test # 7 Often you both have the same thoughts, reactions and feelings to things.

Your partner may just come out and say exactly what you are thinking. A mind-meld, as it were.

Twin Flame Test # 8 There seems to be a psychic connection.

You can sense your partner psychically—know what they are thinking, what they are feeling, or if they are having a problem.

Twin Flame Test #9 There are signs and synchronicities in your relationship.

For example, one of our clients managed to message and engage her twin flame on Match.com, even after he deactivated his account!

Twin Flame Test #10 There is an overwhelming pull to be together, to be in each other’s presence, to be intimate, to be fully sexual.

It is almost like a magnetic or gravitational attraction that is overpowering.

Twin Flame Test #11 Often both of you are focused on the other.

You plan and dream for and with each other.

Twin Flame Test  #12 Your partner often knows what you really need before you do.  And he or she is happy to fill those needs.

For example, he can tell if you need to eat before you realize it.  And he delights in getting you a great meal.

Twin Flame Test #13 When you make love you can telepathically please each other.

For  example, you may be kissing and wanting to be stroked in a certain juicy area of your body, and without you saying anything, your partner does it perfectly!

Twin Flame Test #14 When you make love, lust and love commingle together and it is exquisite on every level.

Which means that making love with your twin flame is light years away from having sex with anyone else, even if that other person is a hottie.  And this strong  chemistry does NOT diminish over time.

Twin Flame Test #15 You feel like you simply can’t live without your partner.

You cannot imagine your life without  them.  And just thinking about losing your twin flame is painful to the point of being unbearable.

RELATED POST: CAN TWIN FLAMES FALL OUT OF LOVE?

Twin Flame Test #16  If you break up with your partner you feel like you want to die.

Because this person is like the other half of you, when you lose them, you may get extremely depressed.  Please note, if this is happening to you right now, definitely seek help.  Have a free coaching session to help you deal with the situation.

Twin Flame Test #17   The bond you share is so powerful that it fuels commitment to work on the relationship when there are challenges, fights and other obstacles.

Your love can overcome even insurmountable challenges. And this process of helping each other grow makes each of you a better person.

Twin Flame Test #18 Your soul gives you the message: YES, this is my twin flame.

When you go inward and become still, your transcendent intuition gives you a profound sense of rightness.

Twin Flame Test #19 Your relationship feels sacred, or blessed by the Divine.

There is a profound spiritual quality about your love for each other.  It makes you both feel more connected to All-That-Is.   And even other people can sense your deep, divine connection.

Twin Flame Test #20. You have a sense that you have shared previous lives together.

In the past, you may not have been lovers but the relationship was special and intimate.

Twin Flame Score Key

So now I want you to add up your number of points, which is equal to the number of times you said ‘yes’ to a test statement.  If you get a score of 15 or more, chances are very high that you are with your twin flame.  If your score is 10-14 there is a better than average possibility that this is your twin flame.  And if the score is 9 or below, this is probably not your twin flame.

But these are only estimations based on years of clinical work and observations of thousands of couples.  As you get to know your match and things unfold in your relationship, it could get better or worse!  You may begin to see this person more and more as your other half.  Or just the opposite could occur.  So if there is a trend of growth in the relationship, where things are getting better, more intimate and more satisfying over time, hang in there!

“When you find your twin flame you also find your freedom, for there is nothing more exhilarating, wild and free than absolute soul love.” — Melody Lee

 

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Say Goodbye to Self Doubt About Finding True Love


self doubt in dating
Here’s a true story about one successful woman’s journey from self-doubt in dating to finding true soulmate love.  Lila, a highly accomplished forty-year-old pediatric nurse, had been through a heart-wrenching divorce.

Lila Shares Her Journey

My 15-year marriage had ended. And there I was three years later, unhinged and afraid to jump into dating. I had an extra 35 pounds of pudge rolling around my middle, a resentful mood and some very serious issues about being over the hill and unattractive. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I was starting to see the rotund shape of my mother. Which only made me want to eat more. My drug of choice: coffee Häagen-Dazs. Then because of the extra weight I developed a back problem and couldn’t exercise—I was sinking into fat city fast. I would say to my best friend, “Men want thinner women,” “I’m too old!”  Meanwhile I was truly lonely. I had always suffered from self-doubt when it came to men, but I was beginning to feel immobilized by it.

            Then I began seeing one of Dr. Diana’s coaches and saw that I was operating from a negative identity, “Unlovable Lila.” I felt very stuck in that old sense of self, but I forced myself to do what Dr. Diana calls Diamond Self work, focusing on what was attractive and lovable in my nature and renaming myself “Perfectly Lovable Lila”! It felt embarrassing at first, but I ditched the sweats, got a makeover, and put my best self out there. Each day I used the process and out would pop the playful engaging me, the person that expressed the passionate curious nature I had as a child.

 Lila Reinvents Herself

Lila continues: It has been a year since Perfectly Lovable Lila was reborn and I have to say that this is definitely one of the happiest times in my life. Even though I never lost that extra weight, almost every man I meet asks me out. And three different men have asked me to be exclusive! I feel great. I feel special. And empowered. I even asked for a new position more suited to my interests in pediatric oncology and received a raise at work. All thanks to the magic of the Diamond Self work. I am so grateful.

Lila was able to reinvent herself so that she released self-doubt about her ability to find love and became happier, more confident and better than ever. She created a vibrant dating life with great guys. All without losing any of the newly packed-on weight that seemed to stand in her way.

Impressive enough. But Lila also moved from a state of feeling isolated, and lonely to feeling inner strength, joy, and feminine connection. All within one year. Eventually, she went from dating three guys to settling down with one special guy.  How did Lila take this journey from self-doubt about her femininity to celebrating it? Through what I call the Diamond Self process.

The Diamond Self Process to Break Free of Self-Doubt

The Diamond Self (DS) Process is a new approach that allows you to give yourself instructions about who you want to be. Precise instructions that help you create inner strength, self-love, feminine empowerment, and greater confidence in every area of your life. Because it is aimed at the internal world, your mind and spirit, the DS process brings you greater fulfillment without having to struggle so much with obstacles in the real world. It helps you create unconditional acceptance, love, and validation for yourself as an attractive woman. And true confidence.

I can tell you that I have been 100 percent astonished at the life I’ve created using the DS approach.  My childhood experiences worked against me—I was born as an unwanted fifth daughter to a family that only valued and wanted boys. I used to weep about my parents’ misfortune in being stuck with me, another crummy, useless girl. As a young child I experienced myself as a major disappointment, a person who did not deserve to be alive. I felt so worthless that I became so shy to the point of being mute. My father often called me a “piece of shit” during his angry alcoholic binges. He once said that he gave me life and he had the right to take it away from me.

None of this was my father’s fault. Because he grew up in extreme poverty and had an explosive and abusive mother himself. He truly did the best he could. But my early upbringing left me with a very negative sense of self, especially when it came to relating to men. As a teenager and young adult, I became so anxious around guys even those who showed an interest in me that I could hardly even speak to them.

How My Self-Doubt Turned Out to be a Major Gift

Today I can see that all this self-doubt around men, turned out to be a major gift. Because I have had to work on finding my feminine self-worth and I discovered the Diamond Self work. And my own special gifts and talents.  My own self-confidence.  My true lovable nature.  The DS work has allowed me take a major step forward in every facet of living and enabled me to help millions of people.  And it has helped me to find true love and create a passionate marriage with my soulmate.

I used the DS secrets I am about to teach you to overcome my self-doubt and write bestsellers on dating and relationships, create my own one-woman PBS TV special–which is now an Amazon Prime Special, Love in 90 Days— and serve as a frequent guest on The Today Show. I’ve used the DS secrets to create an awesome team of Love Mentor® coaches who work by phone, Zoom and Skype to bring self-esteem, self-confidence, success, and soulmate love to thousands of people around the world.

As the Buddha says:

“There’s a treasury full of jade and jewels; it is in you. Don’t go searching far from home for it—it’s here.” 

The Self-Doubt-Busting Diamond Self Exercise

Here is the very powerful Diamond Self Exercise. I designed it to create greater deservedness, self-esteem, feminine confidence and self-love. If you suffer from self-doubt, worry, anxiety, or depression . . . if you have a judgmental inner critic . . . if you feel invisible, nervous, insecure, or less-than when it comes to dating or love, this is an awesome exercise for you to do.

Read each Section of the Self-Doubt-Busting Diamond Self Exercise

Read each section of the exercise and then close your eyes, taking your time to do each step.

  1. Remember a time when you felt good about yourself—alive, attractive, smart, passionate, confident, loving—lovable. Put yourself in the picture so that you are looking through your own eyes. If you can’t remember a time like this, imagine a scene where you would feel good about yourself.  Feel that completely.
  2. Imagine yourself better, even better. Imagine yourself five times better.
  3. Now take that image and bring it closer to you. Make it brighter, more colorful, clearer. Give it a sound track, a great sound track, magnify all those good feelings—make them stronger. This is your Diamond Self. Give it a name, a grand name.  Here are some examples to get you going:
  • Deserving Radiant Goddess of Love
  • Saucy Smart Minx
  • Beloved Mighty Isis
  • Happy and Fearless Light of Love
  • Vivacious Vixen
  • Joyful Chosen Magnificent Jewel 
  • Sparkling Confident Queen of Love and Light
  • Playful Precious Mesmerizing Lioness
  • Sparkalicious Loving One

Play with any Names that Come to You for a Minute or Two.

Then say your Diamond Self name to yourself. Note: You can always work on or expand it later.

  1. Shrink the Diamond Self, make it tiny, as small as a real diamond. Then put that image aside.
  2. Now find a different image at a time when you felt self-doubt or rejected, abandoned, betrayed or unlovable. An image that reflects negative self-talk, like It’s hopeless for me, or I’m too fat, too invisible, or too intimidating. We’ll call this your Disappointing Self.
  3. Take the image of your Diamond Self, make it the size of a hand grenade, and imagine throwing it right into the center of your Disappointing Self. Imagine it exploding and completely destroying the Disappointing Self.
  4. Now, instant replay. Imagine your self-doubt-laden Disappointing Self and throw the Diamond Self grenade into the center, blowing up the Disappointing Self again.
  5. Speed the whole thing up and repeat several more times.

Do this exercise until you cannot get a clear image of the Disappointing Self. Do a quick version of this process whenever you go to an important social event, a date or any time you need a lift!

How to Find a Self-Doubt-Busting Diamond Self Name That is Just Right for You

Here’s how to know if a Diamond Self name is “right” for you: When you think or say it, you will feel excited, happy, even thrilled—but also, perhaps a little scared, embarrassed, ashamed, or silly. This is because you are stretching yourself. In fact, a true transformative Diamond Self nickname will call to you. In spite of some uncomfortable reactions, it feels good. And when you think or say it, your new nickname has a fun, joyful quality. Your Diamond Self name is so critical to the speed and success of your journey to full self-confidence in dating and love relationships.

Now that you have your Diamond Self name it is time to go shopping and dress “Lovely Irresistible Dancer,” or whoever has emerged as your unique new you. Pull a new look together by thinking about your validating name. Buy sexy lingerie and clothes that are in alignment with your new feminine self. Get a trendy  haircut that frames and showcases the beauty in that face you see in the mirror. Find jewelry that symbolizes her radiant, lively, confident, magnetic and loving nature. As Jess Scott says, “The human body is the best work of art.”

RELATED POST: SIX RED FLAG SIGNS YOU NEED A LOVE COACH

Bottom Line

If you would like help with building your confidence in dating and love, apply for a complimentary confidence-building session by phone, Zoom or Skype with one of my gifted coaches.

Remember, you can have it all! xo

 

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Should I stay or should I go? Here are the relationship factors people ponder when deciding whether to break up


Where do you see yourself in five years? It’s a standard job interview question, but it’s an even better question to ask yourself about your relationship.

The person you talk to, date, move in with, get engaged to, marry, break up with or divorce – it’s all up to you. You’re in the driver’s seat regarding your relationship’s trajectory.

Most of the time, you probably cruise along on autopilot, maintaining the status quo. Every once in a while, though, something disrupts that equilibrium and you seriously ponder your relationship’s fate.

At some point, most people find themselves facing the complicated decision of whether to stick with it or call it quits. While there’s lots to consider when you’re pondering your own situation, maybe it would be helpful to know how others deal with these important life decisions. Recent research, including my own in the field of relationship science, has explored how people make these choices.

Factors when weighing a relationship

It feels as if there could be as many reasons someone would decide to maintain or end a relationship as there are relationships.

To learn more about what people actually consider, psychology researchers Samantha Joel, Geoff Macdonald and Elizabeth Page-Gould asked over 400 individuals who were questioning their own relationship: “What are some reasons someone might give for wanting to stay with or leave their romantic partner?”

Out of all the specific circumstances, 50 common themes emerged.

People came up with 27 broad reasons for staying. These focused on key relationship components such as attraction, physical and emotional intimacy and support. People were reluctant to lose the time and effort they had already invested and were fearful of being alone. They considered pluses, such as the desirable aspects of their partner’s personality and how much fun they had together. They also factored in practical issues, including potential family disruption and financial implications.

Participants also suggested 23 general reasons to leave. These included many of the same themes as the reasons to stay, but focused on the negative side – things like a partner’s problematic personality, acts of deception or cheating, emotional distance, lack of support and insufficient emotional or physical intimacy.

So many reasons, but what to do?

Listing these themes is one thing. How do individuals factor them into real-life decisions of whether to stay or go? To find out, the researchers did a follow-up study with over 200 people who were contemplating breaking up or getting a divorce.

Roughly half of these participants reported feeling, on balance, more inclined to stay in the troubled relationship. That makes sense – inertia is powerful. Staying often takes the least effort.

However, those same exact people simultaneously had an above-average inclination to leave, meaning they rated themselves as leaning toward breaking up. See the problem? Participants were motivated to stay with their partner at the same time they were motivated to end things. And this ambivalence was very common.

That relationship doubts are so common and people are often conflicted about what to do are what make this kind of research potentially helpful. It lends some order to the chaos by helping to identify what’s most important.

A long and winding road

Relationship decisions are rarely as clear cut as “should I stay or should I go?” Instead, people experience subtle shifts in their commitment that build up over time. What contributes to these variations in commitment?

Relationship researchers Laura Machia and Brian Ogolsky sought to find out by interviewing participants in stable relationships. At each of eight monthly interviews, 464 participants indicated how serious their relationship was by rating how likely it was they’d marry their current partner – “0% if they were certain they would never marry their partner or never thought about marriage, and 100% if they were certain they would marry their partner in the future.” Each time their “commitment to wed” percentage shifted from one interview to the next, researchers asked why.

Participants expressed a lot of reasons for commitment fluctuations – 13,598, to be exact. The researchers distilled them down to 14 key themes. The most influential reasons were positive and negative characterizations of the partner and relationship. These included direct statements about the partner – such as “he was fun, considerate and kind” – or about them as a couple – such as “we were drifting apart.” As you’d expect, positive statements related more to increased commitment, while negative statements were associated with declines.

The next-most-mentioned reason was circumstances – unforeseen events or experiences such job loss, a partner becoming ill or needing to move. Interestingly, this kind of life change could either increase or decrease an individual’s commitment to the relationship. This finding is further evidence that events by themselves – say, a worldwide pandemic – aren’t the sole determinant of a relationship’s fate. A couple’s existing dynamics play a large role too.

Out of all the possible reasons that nudged people up or down the commitment scale, there was one that stood out as actually predicting whether a couple would break up: cheating. As much as other factors made people feel more or less likely to consider marriage, involvement with another dating partner was the one true relationship-killer.

In the other direction, the study also identified one factor that increased commitment and pushed relationships closer toward marriage: positive disclosure. That’s what psychologists call it when you share information with each other that encourages positive feelings, which in turn supports your relationship. Think exchanging stories about your childhoods, getting to know each other on a deeper level, or sharing good news. These kinds of disclosures strengthen relationships.

Love is a decision – and rarely clear cut

Relationships are complicated, and no one knows for sure what the future holds. It’s hard to know what the best decision is if you’re thinking about whether to stay with a partner or move on. The best relationships have their issues, while the worst relationships still have their virtues. While you don’t want to get stuck with an awful partner, you also don’t want to be unnecessarily harsh on what could be a great relationship. Maybe knowing what others consider important factors can help you make your own best choice.

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The Conversation

Gary W. Lewandowski Jr. does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.


Read the original article here — https://theconversation.com/should-i-stay-or-should-i-go-here-are-the-relationship-factors-people-ponder-when-deciding-whether-to-break-up-153707

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4 Signs You May Be Minimizing Your Emotional Wants and Needs in Relationships


I exist with a few (okay more than a few) dysfunctional tendencies when in relationships.

That’s not to imply I have not had healthy moments when in relationships. However, there are certainly some underlying notions that have emerged which may not be the most productive. One of these happens to be minimizing emotional wants and needs when in romantic relationships.

A truly supportive and loving partner, will not (and should not) expect you to minimize your emotional wants and needs, but rather, will uplift you and ensure your wants and needs are met to the best of their abilities.

That being said, if you are a lil’ suspish that you may be minimizing your own emotional wants and needs with your current partner then keeping reading for 4 signs you may be minimizing your emotional wants and needs in relationships.

Disclaimer: The content within this post is for information purposes only and is not a substitute for talking to a health professional or a counsellor. The content is also not a substitute if you are a victim of domestic abuse or violence. If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic abuse or violence, visit endingviolencecanada.org for a list of service providers across Canada.

1. Chances are, you’ve been minimizing for a while!

British psychologist John Bowlby, a pioneer of attachment theory, instilled his belief that our formative early years when we are developing relationships with our caregivers, is when we experience significant growth in how we bond to others. This growth is what we carry with us into subsequent stages throughout our lives.

If you suspect you may be minimizing your emotional wants and needs in your adult relationships, start by reflecting on your childhood. It’s where most of our concerns in adulthood tend to stem from. Thanks mom and dad.

As a youngster, my mom was consistently keeping up with the demands as a single parent to two kids. My dad had a short temper, often leaving me feeling like I had to walk on eggshells when with him for fear of what I said or did might set him off.

I now realize that in an effort to minimize the conflict potentially bubbling up from my dad and to keep things easy for my mom, I began to make myself emotionally smaller in order to lessen my chances of “being a burden” to my parents.

Despite no longer needing to make myself emotionally smaller, somewhere in my unconscious mind I continue to do so as an adult with my romantic partners.

A question that may help you amidst your self-exploration is:

“As a child, what was your sense of emotional needs versus your parent’s reactions?”

Were you inclined to behave a certain way as a child in order to ensure your wants and needs were met by caregivers? What was the primary way in which you received love as a child – were your parents expressive in how they showed you affection, or were you made to jump through hoops in order to receive love?

Once you’ve reflected, see if you can connect similar dots between your childhood and adult relationships.

2. You Play a Metaphorical Game of Jenga in your Relationships

Many of us find ourselves playing a metaphorical game of Jenga in our relationships. Sometimes we find the perfect spot for our blocks while building the tower. Other times, we push (force?) the block into a spot where it doesn’t belong, but try to make it fit anyways without having the tower fall to the ground. Jenga AKA stress level 9000, folks.

Perhaps it’s to avoid an argument, or to avoid that nagging feeling inside of you that what is taking place is not lining up with your core beliefs and/or boundaries. Whatever the case may be, to keep things running smoothly with your boo thang, you suppress your own wants and needs in an effort to make things work. You may even conform to the wants and needs of your partner for the sake of keeping the peace.

Playing Jenga, can also look like tolerating where you’ve been placed on your partner’s priority list. You know in your heart of hearts, your bae is your numero uno priority, you’re in it to win it. However, questions float through your head as to where you stand with your partner on their list.

It’s healthy to be supportive of your partner’s wants, needs and priorities. It’s when you forgo or downplay your wants and needs in order to be supportive of someone else’s, or you force things to work, that could be a potential sign of minimizing.

3. You downplay conflict

Conflict in relationships can be healthy and productive, and can bring two people closer together amidst a disagreement. Personally, I’m not a fan of conflict and it can be quite hard for me to express points of conflict within a relationship for fear of rocking the metaphorical boat. On occasion, it goes so far as believing if I bring up a point of conflict, my partner will break up with me.
Rather than bring up points of conflict, I tend to suppress them and tolerate them.

It’s easy for an outsider looking in to say:

“Just communicate your needs, problems or points of conflict to your partner”.

However, it’s not always an easy task for someone to communicate that something is bothering them, especially if it has been engrained in them since childhood to shy away from expressing their wants and needs.

When you are not used to expressing your emotional wants and needs in healthy, productive ways, you may feel a sense of guilt when eventually you choose to do so. You may even chastise yourself for having brought them up in the first place (as I sometimes do).

Try and catch it if you find yourself saying such phrases as “this wasn’t worth bringing up”, “I’m creating problems that aren’t there”, and “I’m only making things more difficult”. Demonstrating self-compassion when attempting to express your emotional wants and needs can create a sense of safety and reassurance within oneself.

4. Your internal struggles manifest themselves externally in unhealthy ways

We all know what happens when you add candy pop rocks to Coca-Cola – it fizzes up and explodes!

A similar process can occur when we continually disallow our emotional wants and needs to be met. Eventually, we can start to see them erupt externally in unhealthy, unproductive ways.

I, like a lot of people, sometimes get upset over little things of no significance when in a relationship. In reality, these insignificant issues tend to add up to larger unconscious issues and points of conflict that haven’t been addressed. As a result, you may begin to resent your partner, or display passive-aggressive behaviors.

If you feel like you may be minimizing your emotional wants and needs in your current relationship, it’s important to communicate this to your partner. If therapy is an accessible resource to you, consider seeking guidance from a health professional, prior to having the discussion with your partner. Holding a safe space to have these discussions, whether it’s with a therapist or your partner, while feeling supported and/or loved is especially important.

Links:
– endingviolencecanada.org – https://endingviolencecanada.org/getting-help-2/
– British psychologist John Bowlby – https://www.verywellmind.com/john-bowlby-biography-1907-1990-2795514

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Advice from an Experienced Professional on the Nuances of Online Dating


We just hit a Pandemic and are currently going through a time where historical events are happening, left, right, and center. We hit a snag in our daily lives and have been part of a home quarantine throughout 2020. This has been the cause of a lot of breakups and even the birth of children. But what happened to those who were single? Well, they all turned to online dating. I am one of those people.

Let’s be on the same page here from the beginning – why do we turn into online dating in the first place? Getting love or getting laid? No matter what the answer is (or what you think it is), this pandemic and time away from going out and hanging with friends have given all of us a new dimension. So, today, five years, unlimited number of people to talk to, and a pandemic later, I find myself qualified enough to share my version of the perks and perils of online dating. Find this relatable? Let’s dive straight in!

Online Dating

They say, ‘curiosity killed the cat,’ well, in online dating lingo, where cats are a facade used to mean something different than intended, this quote comes to life. Online dating is practically the best place to meet new people without having the pressure of being someone other than yourself, finding your match by swiping left or right without letting the person know you have rejected them, and beginning a beautiful relationship from there onward.

In this pandemic, inquisitive souls like me who spend their days working from home have found new friends from online dating applications that might, or might not, turn into something serious later. But, now that the restrictions are slowly lifting off and we have the option of going out and meeting the person we have been talking to for the past few months, we suddenly become nervous. Don’t worry, though! I’m here to save you from the discomfort.

Creating a Balanced Profile

All these months, you had the liberty to say no to meet-up requests given the situation we were in, but now the scene has changed. So, if you are looking for the perfect ‘partner’ through online dating, someone you would love to meet, you need to first focus on your profile:

– The Gallery: Always tend to choose the pictures that flaunt the best sides of your personality – be it with the poses, the activities you are doing, or the places you are at. Ensure you are comfortable with the places featuring in your profile picture carousel so that you have a topic of the conversation right from the beginning. Take this from a pro online dater – don’t add pictures with your friends, pose with vehicles that aren’t yours, or post pictures of clothes you wouldn’t normally wear even though they look sexy. You wouldn’t want the other person being confused about who you are right from the get-go.

– The Copy: Next, write an intriguing bio. Everyone judges everyone on these online dating applications and, being as honest as you can always help. Write a few lines about who you are, what you are all about, what you like doing, where you stay, and what you are looking for. My profile, for example, speaks about my profession and my perception of life. This has led to several people coming up with a witty first line about their own take on the writing. Some of the best profiles include those who use ‘|’ in between single adjectives that define them. Try to opt-out of writing ‘not here for hookups’ because that is an immediate turn-off and would make most people swipe left. The aim is to create a profile for yourself that you would swipe right on. You get the drill, don’t you?

Conversations Dictating the Flow

Profile Picture – CHECK
Perfect Bio – CHECK

‘It’s a match!”

Your phone lights up with a ‘ting’ as you open the notification bar to see the above-mentioned text written in bold.

Trust me, at times I feel like these online dating applications are more excited at us getting a match than we actually are. But imagine for a second that you have matched with someone who you liked, to begin with. NEVER EVER wait for the other person to text first. This goes to all you men and women out there. If you like someone, strike up a conversation with them and see how it goes.

At this point, I would like to mention, please don’t use short forms. Please don’t. No one understands what you’re talking about, and most of the time, especially after the fact that we all are living through history right now, people don’t have the energy to speak with someone who can’t frame a full sentence. Been there, felt that.

While most of the time, “hey, what’s up?” remains the first text anyone sends, there’s no harm in mixing things up a bit. Online dating is a platform where you get to meet ‘your match,’ and showing your witty and mysterious self right off the bat would make them more intrigued about you and be the start of an interesting conversation.

As you start interacting with a potential connection for the longer run, you must be respectful towards the other person. If you have to leave the conversation midway, have the courtesy to say you’ll catch up with the other person later because you have to be somewhere else. Once you send that text, wait for an acknowledgment from the other side before running away. The key to online dating is ensuring that the other person is heard.

If you feel like you’ve had a fruitful conversation and are comfortable taking things to the next level – personally, you can shift to other text platforms. Things just become all the more comfortable when you take it slowly – one at a time. Girls, there is no harm in asking for the guy’s number if you liked talking to them. I know I did. Guys, be polite and take your time before asking for their number. Know that both of you are talking to around five other people simultaneously, and you need to be honest and put your best foot forward if you want to strongly make a connection with at least one of them.

The First Date

When you’ve reached this stage, you’ve already come a long way – I know you have. So now it’s time to take things further with a date. The physical meeting after the whole time is special, and you need to make that mark. Now, I understand that after this pandemic, it would take any occasion you get to either dress up with the best piece of clothing you own or act as if it doesn’t matter. Trust me, it matters. So, get up and take a good look at your wardrobe.

While you wear something that fits you well and you are comfortable with wearing it for a long time, choose something that attracts the attention of people. Girls, sexy lingerie is a must if you are taking your date home once things go well. Once again, you both know each other enough to go on a date, and there is no need to pretend. Pick a place close to both of your homes that cater to both of your likings; cuisine and ambiance wise. You can also get the other person a token they can take back home – flowers are the most obvious choice. Also, NEVER BE LATE.

If things are supposed to be continued at home, keep your place stocked with all the things you need for an intimate night. Walk into the bathroom and come back wearing sexy lingerie, keep sex toys near your bedside if you both want to try something kinky, or pop in some enhancement pills to give yourself that boost of confidence.
End the night with a kiss and some cuddles. Stay, if you can, but ask if the other person wants you around. Complement each other on how great your night was and the next morning; don’t forget to wish each other. If things go well, a second date might be just around the corner!

Online or not, a date involves two people and how they feel about each other and their presence in their lives. In such a case, every small detail matters, and to show you care is one of the top-most ways of showing them that they are appreciated. So, bring up your A-game and have fun as you sink your foot into the pool of dating this New Year. Don’t forget to let me know how your date went!

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Posted by Sharanya Bhattacharya

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How To Set Personal Boundaries & Guide Other People To Respect Them


Knowing how to set your own personal boundaries is of extreme importance if you want to maintain healthy and decent relationships with people and your own self. Without setting your personal boundaries, people will most likely never take them into the consideration and you will often feel like life is unfair towards you. People who have no personal boundaries are often people who spend a lot of time looking for relationship advice, mental health tips, and so on, while all they really need in life is to set their own personal boundaries. So what does setting personal boundaries mean and why do people keep on telling you to be true to yourself? If you are curious and you wish to know more about it all, continue reading as we will go over all you might want to know.

Understanding What Personal Boundaries Really Are

If you do not have personal boundaries set, you most likely know what we mean when we say people might be manipulating you very easily. People who do not set their personal boundaries straight are often emotionally unstable, they are easily manipulated and they are usually the ones who feel used at the end of it all. A person who has reasonable personal boundaries will always know how to separate their feelings and thoughts from the crowds, they know they are unique and they easily acknowledge the same in others. Simplified, personal boundaries are our emotional, physical, and mental limits we set on our own, these keep us safe from manipulators and prevent us from getting violated by others and their bad and/or unreasonable intentions.

Setting Your Own Personal Boundaries

Before anything, you need to understand that every human being has the right to set their own personal boundaries, no matter what others may think about them. Perhaps, your personal boundaries do not go in hand with certain people, but they are your boundaries and you should never change them so that someone would like you more or accept you as a person. When setting your personal boundaries keep in mind that it is your responsibility to use your boundaries as a filter that helps you notice acceptable and unacceptable things that come your way by other individuals around you. While setting personal boundaries might seem like a complicated thing, it is overall quite simple. All you really need to do when setting personal boundaries is take into consideration who you really are as a person, understand that these boundaries are meant to protect you, and define you to other people who might have no idea how to respect your worth as a human being.

When we are fortunate enough to have healthy personal boundaries, these are usually the life improvements we get to see first:

Improved self-confidence and self-worthiness
Improved life stability
Improved communication with other people
Healthier habits and thoughts
Better relationships and emotional strength

Learning How To Care About Your Own Self

Personal boundaries are great and all, but did you know that their root is all about self-care? If you do not understand how important it is to love yourself, there is a high chance you have not set your personal boundaries at all. Every individual in this world deserves and must spend some time on their own. It does not matter whether you have an amazing relationship or friends who continuously require you to spend time with them, you must ensure you always leave some of the free time for your own self. This can be anything that really makes you happy, be it watching your favorite TV show, playing your favorite games, or simply taking a bubble bath you have been craving for months now but never had enough time to do so. It is important to understand your wishes are just as important as the wishes of your partner or your best friend. Knowing your own worth and respecting your own self is the first great step towards building beautiful personal boundaries that will improve your life for good!

Never Doubt Your Personal Boundaries

Another important thing you should take into consideration is the fact that no matter what your personal boundaries are, there will be times you will feel like they might be a little bit over the top. This, however, is not how you should be feeling. Knowing personal boundaries are so very important to you as an individual, you should make sure to never feel bad about them. Some people will go out of their way and make you feel bad about something that is truly important to you but not so important to them. In such situations, never let them manipulate you to the point you set your personal boundaries aside. People who love you and respect you as a person will never try to make you feel bad about things that make you feel happy, and they will never try to make you forget about things that are important to you just for their own sake.

Be Open About Personal Boundaries And Follow Them

Being open and communicating your personal boundaries might seem kind of silly at first, but it is actually very important if you want to make people respect them. This does not mean you need to write a list of things you find acceptable in life and talk about them with everyone around you, but take time to give people a chance to understand what is really important to you as a person.

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12 Signs He Will Eventually Commit


signs he eventually will commit

Are you wondering , What are the signs he will eventually commit? Perhaps you’ve met the One only to see him come on like gangbusters, but then pull back for no apparent reason. So that all of a sudden, everything becomes murky and uncertain in terms of your relationship.  Are you a couple or not?  Has he met someone else?  Why is he running hot and cold?  Do you have a future together?  Should you have “the talk” about where things stand?  And you wonder, are there definite signs that reveal he will eventually commit?

Maybe you tend to be involved with a guy for a few months and then he always falls away mysteriously, leaving you alone.  Maybe you have been with a guy for 10 years who brings over the chicken soup when you are sick, is there whenever you need him, yet is completely unavailable for building a lasting relationship or family.  Or maybe you are in a long term on-again, off-again relationship where one or the other of you periodically withdraws or sees other people.

Have you ever been involved and in love with one man for months, or even years, only to find that he simply cannot or will not take that next step into living together or marriage? Instead, he gets irritated, distant, angry or simply hits the highway if there is any talk of sharing a future together?  Let’s first look at the telling signs that show he probably won’t commit:

Typical Signs He Will Eventually (NOT) Commit

1) Meet guy.

2) Guy comes on strong, with loving words, deeds, gifts. 

3) You decide he is different, the real deal.

4)  Things get even better inside and outside the bedroom.

5) You start planning for a future with him.

6) Guy retreats, acts distant or annoyed.

7) You are frightened and try harder.

8) Guy tells you he does not have the time or energy or is not be ready for a relationship.

9) You are caught in a maze of unanswered questions, anxiety, heartbreak and sad desperate feelings.

Yes, I know, it’s a downer, but you might feel better knowing that variations of this story have happened to me and pretty much every woman I know.  You are definitely not alone.  We have all been there.  Yet, there is a definite path to freeing yourself from all these painful patterns, from the guys who turn out to be jerks and need to be cut free.

RELATED POSTS: WHAT DO TO WHEN HE WON’T COMMIT

So here are 12 signs he eventually will commit.  They will help reveal if you are dealing with a forever soulmate or not!

Signs He Will Eventually Commit #1

He comes from an intact family where both of his parents are together.  This factor has been shown to be important in terms of a man’s ability to marry or make a lifelong commitment.

Signs He Will Eventually Commit  #2

He has a religious or spiritual practice.  Once again—research bears out that he is more likely to commit.

Signs He Will Eventually Commit  #3

He makes positive statements about marriage and relationships! Obviously, if he views relationships as unsatisfying and soul-sucking, he will not be eager to commit to you.

Signs He Will Eventually Commit  #4

There is  regular, consistent contact him that gets better over time.  This includes texts, calls, dates and, as the relationship progresses extended periods of time or  trips taken together as a couple.

Signs He Will Eventually Commit  #5

You have chemistry with him. While it doesn’t have to be insane off the charts electricity, there has to be some sexy vibes between you that lead to satisfying sex on both sides

Signs He Will Eventually Commit  #6

He wants to be exclusive.  He will want to stop seeing other women as he falls more deeply in love with you.

Signs He Will Eventually Commit  #7

He is growing more attentive to your needs, thoughts and feelings. As it becomes clear to him that you are the One, he will be courting  and pleasing you more.

Signs He Will Eventually Commit  #8

He wants you to: (a) sleep over; or (b) leave some of your things at his apartment.  This shows that he wants you in his daily life. That you are not just a booty call.

Signs He Will Eventually Commit  #9

He is becoming more open to sharing his real thoughts and  feelings.  This could even include sharing his fears about love (which is a good sign—if not protracted!)

Signs He Will Eventually Commit #10

You feel  grounded enough to be able to be yourself with him.  This means he is supplying enough constancy and presence in the relationship that you are not anxious or being a false self  around him.

Signs He Will Eventually Commit  #11

You find yourself continually surprised at how he fills your needs to be understood, appreciated, romanced, and celebrated for who you are. Creativity and devotion  in love leads to a deepened understanding and fulfillment of your needs!

Signs He Will Eventually Commit  #12

There is at talk of a future together.  And he seems more and more  into your shared future (rather than less into it!)  as time goes on.

While it is not necessary to have all of these 12 signs that your boyfriend will eventually commit, it is best if you have at least 8 of them. The overall trend is that the relationship is getting better. In fact, you are getting closer, understanding each other better, more devoted to each other, and sharing more time and space in a happy way.  Even though there are disappointments and fights, you tend to come together and work things through.  You can have straight honest talk with your boyfriend, where both of you are clear and you can come to a win-win understanding with each other.  Most importantly, when you step back and look at the relationship you see that over the months it has gotten better and better.

RELATED POST: 11 SIGNS YOU’VE MET YOUR SOULMATE

If you are not seeing  the signs that your boyfriend will eventually commit, take action to either help him step up or cut loose and stop wasting your precious time.  There are lots of great guys out there who will commit to an amazing future with you!  If you need support,  don’t suffer. Take advantage of a free Breakthrough coaching session now.  xoxo